Oh man. Here we go again.
I’ve been going back and forth for months now about whether or not I want to ever color my hair again—or at least if I want to color it again in the foreseeable future, and it basically changes week to week. It’s been 10 months. Sometimes I think it looks better than ever. Other times I think it looks blah.
And it should go without saying that when Alexandra colored hers recently, I had pangs of envy. It looks so pretty!
More recently, I’ve taken to neurotically crowdsourcing my friends about it: “Am I even blonde anymore? Like, objectively speaking. If you saw me on the street and you didn’t know me, would you be like, There goes a blonde girl? Or would you be like, There goes a brunette? Or maybe a dirty blonde, would you say?” Like a crazy person. And in the event I have to describe myself physically, like if I’m meeting someone in public for the first time—for a work thing, thank you very much—I’ve preemptively sent the “I have dark-blonde hair and I will probably be wearing black” email, whereas I used to say simply, “I’m blonde.”
This is a whole lot of navel gazing, I realize, but there is weird stuff wrapped up in hair color—not to mention we live in a world where people love to play the “Which one are you” game, which usually comes down to looks. Are you Betty or Veronica? Serena or Blair? Carrie or Miranda? (Or…Samantha?) Silly as it all is, there’s IDENTITY stuff (and stereotypes) that go with every hair color—even for a girl who has never felt particularly, well, blonde.
I’ve felt freed, though, is the truth. Shampoo, conditioner, the occasional trim, and that’s about as high maintenance as this mane gets. I feel good about it, in a weirdly deep way. It feels good that this is how it comes out of my head. That I’m not wasting money and upping my chemical exposure. That I’m saving bucks. And yet.
As if to torture me, an email just popped up in my inbox, from my beloved colorist, who righted my hair when it went horribly wrong that time I tried to get “nontoxic” highlights (see the hair chapter in the book, if you have it). This email was from the guy who fixed me. Who attended our book launch party. Who I have a total and complete friend-crush on:
“How are you? Hope you are healthy and safe after this crazy August.. I have moved into a great gallery/salon space! I know you’ve really weened down the hair color… however, when you’re ready to make an appointment, or if you’re in the area, stop in for some champagne! I would love to show you around the space and catch up!!”
Oh man. Seth. Highlights. A beautiful art gallery-salon. Champagne.
What do I dooooooooo?
You know how when you’re shopping you tell yourself: I’ll sleep on it, and if I’m still thinking about it tomorrow then maybe I’ll get it? I try to apply that to most things in life: the personal, the professional and the completely inane.
So that’s what I’ll do with this. I’ll sleep on it. Again.
Anyone else been there?
Image via
Last week my sweet Siobhan bared her soul, telling you guys about the dirty products still in her medicine cabinet—and then she signed me up to do the same! It’s funny: some of you seemed surprised by her honesty but I’m not sure why: We’ve always maintained that women shouldn’t sacrifice their absolute favorite products, especially if you don’t use them daily, and most especially if they bring you pleasure. Because pleasure is a big principle here, in No More Dirty Looks land.
But here’s the thing about my list: Other than waterproof mascara (Laura Mercier), which I’ve mentioned in the past, and my new sorta-natural highlights (update: I love them SO much, and my hair is getting dirtier by the day!) my cabinet is clean. It’s not out of any obligation though: I did have this amazing Bobbi Brown concealer a little while back, but once I discovered the Jane Iredale Active Light one I forgot about it.
But not one to leave my friend alone in her confessions—and besides, we’ve got a nice circle of trust going here—I’m going to reveal some other dirty secrets of my own.
For us, health and beauty are synonymous. And we all do things that we shouldn’t if we want to look our best. Maybe you skimp on sleep, suck back martinis, work on the weekends, or binge on sugar. So let’s have at it, shall we? And just to prove that no vice is too vicey, I’m going to come forward with my absolute worst:
1. I think I’ve made it pretty clear that sometimes I drink too much. This generally wreaks havoc on my face in the form of pimples and/or some patchy redness. But here’s the real doozy, and I can’t even believe I’m copping to this, but in the name of transparency, here it is: Sometimes when I’m tipsy I’ll have (ahhhhh, the shame, the shame) a cigarette. As vices go, it doesn’t get much worse for your health or your skin. The irony isn’t lost on me, of course, and the sheer guilt of it is probably doing some damage too. How often does it happen? I’m not great with consistency, but it’s only been about a month since my last slip.
2. I often forget to take my omegas. Sounds like nothing after my first admission, I know—but seriously, omegas are the truth.
3. I probably drink too much caffeine, but since it’s not keeping me up at night, literally or figuratively, I’m going to let this one slide for now.
OK, you’re up. I implore you not to leave me out here in the cold.
You guys, something pretty major happened last week. Yes, Osama’s dead, relations with Pakistan are fraught, and Michelle Obama’s dougie almost outshone her husband’s own stellar moves (in case you missed him on 60 Minutes)—but also, I got highlights. Don’t be mad!
Here’s what happened: Remember how a few weeks ago I was musing about a spring makeover? Well, that longing for a physical change grabbed me by the girly bits in a way that became distracting—nay, completely consuming!—and it just wouldn’t let go.
And the more pictures I saw like the one above—of beautiful women with gorgeous and golden-tipped locks (now known as “ombre” highlights)—the more convinced I became.
Here’s how I justified it: 1. I would find a natural-as-possible salon to do it at. 2. I would only do my ends, so the dye would never touch my scalp. 3. If I didn’t like it, or it looked too fake for my dark hair, I’d just give my mane a much-needed chop.
So I headed down to NaturalMind, a cleaner salon in Silver Lake that I’d heard great things about. And to my total delight the founder, Arnaud, who arrived on the L.A. hair scene by way of 20-years-at-a-fancy-salon-in-Paris knew exactly what to do with me. He touched my coarse curls and told me he would never use foils on them—never! And in a thicker-than-butter French accent, he said: “You came to ze right place. I‘ve been doing zis balayage technique in Paris forrrever. We make it a little bit surfer, yeah?”
Mmhmm. That’s exactly how we make it, Arnaud—like I spent a week on the beaches of St. Tropez, s’il vous plait. And with an artist’s skill—and an almost-odorless-and-heavy-on-the-natural-oils dye—he painted my highlights with the subtlety of the sun itself. And I love it!
But here’s where my story goes a bit south. My new favorite hairdresser also convinced me to wash my hair. Granted, with an ostensibly natural shampoo (I say that because even with the best intentions, one can never be sure at the salon), but a shampoo nonetheless. It felt like heaven and it smelled like lavender but…
Until last week, shampoo hadn’t touched my hair in two and a half years.
And there’s a reason for that. Not washing it, I realize now with even greater clarity, had given my hair something it never had: predictability. It also eliminated my need for product—aside from a tiny bit of conditioner and some Intelligent Nutrients spray for special occasions.
But now that it’s clean I’m back in the maintenance game. It’s not a total horror show or anything—it’s just really fluffy, puffy and frizzy. Mostly, it needs product. And the ends look dry. And the curl doesn’t hold in the same way. And, and, and—I just miss those natural oils I’d worked so hard to harness!
But, like a big girl, I’m not going to cry over my clean hair. I’m going to throw on my favorite natural products, follow Siobhan’s summer hair advice, and let time and my scalp do their thing. In a way, the wash is as much of a “new look” as the color—so there’s that. Maybe it will even become an annual spring-cleaning tradition of sorts. Or not.
Got any salon disasters or success stories to share? You know the drill, ladies.
We’ve asked you a a few times if you dye your hair, and it sparked a passionate and interesting discussion, particularly among those of you who dye your hair to cover up grays. Men, we know, have it easy when it comes to graying: They get called a silver fox, and are celebrated for looking even better than they did before the hands of time changed their hair color for good.
Do women get the same treatment? Hells no.
Still, many of you have never dyed your hair (looking at you, mom) and never will. And because famous people are our de facto (and unfortunate) arbiters of beauty norms, it helps that some famous ladies rock their grays. And while I can acknowledge that, beauty ideals being what they are, having gray hair as a women means you’re somehow “braver” than those who do dye, there is something inherently condescending and ass backwards about that.
One of my closest friends has some salt in her pepper and she told me a while back that not infrequently, people will point it out to her as if she hadn’t yet noticed. “Wow! You have a lot of gray in your hair!” Is it an insult? Not at all. But no one would ever say “Wow! You have so many pimples on your face!” because acne is thought of as something a woman can’t do a whole lot about. It’s not your fault you have a bunch of zits, so it would be unkind to point it out. But your hair—whoa, you know you can do something about that, right? Gray hair, then, is viewed as a CHOICE, which makes no sense because it’s actually the result of not choosing—of letting your hair be.
Anyway, we totally understand those who do, and we understand those who don’t. But after a conversation with a coworker friend, who dyes her grays and is particularly interested in what other women have to say about the matter, I thought I’d put it to you:
Do you dye your grays? If you don’t have any yet, do you think you will dye them when you do go gray? And if so why? We really want to know what informs the decision. Is it to look more youthful? Because you think it’s more professional? Because _________. You tell us!
A couple of days ago we got a note from our friends at Well + Good NYC, one of my favorite sites (which you should bookmark, if you have not already). They said they were doing a piece on hair dye, and wanted our take.
I was delighted to weigh in. From the article, which you should read in full:
Henna-based and vegetable hair dyes are a growing market. “But the problem is that they suck—which might not be their fault,” says Siobhan O’Connor, co-author of No More Dirty Looks, a book and website dedicated to non-toxic beauty. “The real issue is that, for a dye to actually work, some heavy-duty chemistry is in order. We’re asking the product to be foolproof, consistent, stable, and effective. Nature hasn’t—and I suspect won’t—find a way to replicate those factors in a dye.”
(Why do I say things like “they suck” in interviews?)
Anyway, those of you who have read the book (and it seems like a lot of you have!) probably already know about the time I tried low-tox highlights and ended up looking like a skunk. So what do I do now?
I wrote that I intended to continue highlighting my hair on occasion—that it would be the last bastion of my formerly dirty life. But then life got in the way, and at a certain point I realized it had been nine months since I’d touched it—and I was loving the look. I’m fond of the faded-out, lighter-at-the-bottom, rooty thing anyway. But then life got in the way again, and at some point before Christmas, I felt like I needed a little…something. So off I went to the salon for a pick-me-up in the form of “no more than 10! promise?” highlights.
The most important thing about any beauty risk is knowing the facts, which W + G did a great job explaining. So my advice, for those who still want to color is this: “Space it out and know that you’re taking a calculated risk. There are no 100 percent safe dyes that I would recommend using. So be real about that if you’re going to do it anyway.”
What about you? Knowing what you do about hair dye, do you still color your hair?
Have any of you heard the rumor—or perhaps conspiracy theory is more accurate—that Jackie O’s lymphoma was a consequence of her frequent hair dyeing? We don’t subscribe to such fear mongering, but it is true that dark hair dyes are notoriously toxic.
Siobhan—brave soul—experimented with natural blonde highlights in the book. But as the resident brunette I never tested out any of the clean dyes, or DIYs (like the coffee rinse) for darker hair. I’ll admit that it was a an oversight. See, I just haven’t colored my hair since my tween experiments with henna—and there were so many other things to try! But no more excuses. I know it’s a major concern for some of you, and it appears it may be for me too soon: The grays are creeping on me! Yep, they’re sprouting from the top of my head like little electrocuted worms.
So I’m calling on you ladies for counsel. Have any of you tried the darker natural dyes? The coffee? Has anything been a success or a failure? I plan to do some heavy googling about this, but your stories would be appreciated.
Well, looky here, MSN Lifestyle (via Real Beauty) is telling us 10 things that men think are sexy—and, despite myself, I’m kind of liking what they have to say. Ok fine, some of these are pretty dumb: Guys like legs! Guys like long lashes and can’t tell when you’re wearing fake ones!
But their top pick? Despite all of our efforts, the sample men just prefer a woman without makeup. According to these dudes, lip gloss is gross and women look best when they first wake up or right out of the shower.
There also appears to be a general confusion around how their girlfriends look with a lot of makeup on. As one guy says: “She still looks good, but she just doesn’t look as much like herself.”
Also in their top four favorites is your squishy tummy (that you probably hate) and—oh hello—when you ditch your hair dryer and flat iron, leaving your natural wave or curl. I guess it’s no wonder then that our guy friends were fawning over the hair challenge results. Oh, and they much prefer your natural color to a bad dye job too.
If you have some time to kill, you can read all ten “sexy moves” on Real Beauty. Any shockers here, or have you ladies heard this all before? Do any of you go out with a naked face?
To see more supermodels without makeup go here
We’re the first to admit that it’s hard to bid farewell to some products. That’s not to say we don’t stand by our promise: Truly clean cosmetics offer better results than the chemical crap. Hands down. But there are certain items you’re just not going to find in the naturals category…
Like the waterproof mascara that leaves nary a smudge after a night on the town. Or the antiperspirant that actually stops you from sweating—which is generally a terrible idea, but incredibly appealing on a hot summer’s day or, you know, a date. Natural hair dye? It works for some women, but we can’t recommend it in good conscience—just read in the book about Siobhan’s unfortunate turn with natural highlights. How about a bewitching scent that lasts all day? Not likely, since you can thank hormone disrupting phthalates for that lasting power, and those are verboten in a real clean product. Nail polish does offer some better options, but nothing we’d put on our kids (if we had any).
So what’s a girl to do? Well, we subscribe to the 80-20 rule. That means some nights we whip out the waterproof mascara, or that old Degree stick we never brought ourselves to throw out. Not every day, or even every week, but certainly when the occasion calls for it.
Now you: What decidedly unnatural product or treatment could you never let go of? (And get ready, because next week’s challenge may involve one…)
We bet you do. A whopping 70 percent of us bottle our blondes, reds and chestnuts, and it’s not hard to understand why. But here’s something: Hair dye is pretty toxic. Even conservative experts say as much (never a good sign) and it’s also bad for your hair. And yet I love me some highlights. So what to do?
As with all things, we think it’s important to be informed, and then calculate the risks. If you do the math and you still want to dye your hair, then for the love of god, eat your broccoli.
A few things worth noting:
—Hair dye has been linked to lymphoma in hair stylists, whose rates of exposure are much higher than the average four-times-a-year highlighter.
—Many chemicals in dyes are irritants, some are suspected carcinogens and others still are immune system toxicants.
—Dark dyes are more toxic than blondes.
—Europe has banned a boatload of chemicals used in hair dyes that we still use on this side of the pond.
—You want to avoid dyes containing p-phenylenediamine, diaminobenzene, ammonia and peroxide (goodluckwiththat), and that means if you’re going to a salon, you’re going to be the girl who asks to see ingredient labels. Awkward, but advised.
—Have you met Miranda Priestly? Or Helen Mirren, for that matter? Gray hair on ladies is sexy!
Those of you who have the book may already know I’m an on-again-off-again highlighter (who had a horrific experience when I tried to go “natural” with my dye job), but in the past year, something weird happened. Sort of by accident, I stopped coloring my hair. It’s been more than eight months since I’ve touched it, and I’m kind of digging how it looks. The base seems to match my skin tone better—Stacy Malkan told me she had the same thought when she stopped coloring hers—and it’s healthier, obviously.
But we’re not zealots about such things. So we want to know—do you dye yours? How often? Do you worry about the chemicals involved?
Last night I spent a little quality time with prime time and was completely thrown by what I saw: Hair commercial after hair commercial making very specific claims of cleanness and greenness. First it was ads for Suave with its new almond oil and shea butter line. “I love natural ingredients,” a woman whispered. To my surprise, these actually do contain natural ingredients, but they are by no means clean.
Then it was Natural Instincts’ ammonia-free hair dye, now with antioxidants. Which obviously begs the question: Does my hair need antioxidants?
The most elaborate claims go to TRESemmé (and I’m sorry, but American brands that use mixed-case type for their pseudo-French name that also requires accents nobody has on their keyboards? Annoying. But I digress.)
TRESemmé has a new “naturals” line, and they’re getting pretty detailed in their discussion of what that means. Not only are they bringing us salon quality the natural way, which brings out hair’s natural beauty (duh) and happens to make it 10 times stronger…their new “low-sulfate” formula also won’t dry out hair! They even use some USDA-certified organic ingredients.
This is starting to feel like a category unto itself: brands that get extremely specific with their clean and green claims even as they douse their organic avocados (or whatever) in industrial-strength chemicals.
So is their shampoo really low in sulfates? Well, the first three ingredients after water are all surfactants, and ingredients are listed in descending order, so…. Take a look:
TRESemme Naturals Shampoo, Nourishing Moisture, with Aloe Vera and Avocado: Water (Aqua), Ammonium Lauryl Sulfate, Ammonium Laureth Sulfate, Cocamidopropyl Betaine, Sodium Cocoyl Isethionate, Lauryl Glucoside, Sodium Methyl Cocoyl Taurate, Sodium Lauroamphoacetate, Fragrance (Parfum), Hydroxypropyl Methylcellulose, Ammonium Chloride, Propylene Glycol, Guar Hydroxypropyltrimonium Chloride, Dipropylene Glycol, DMDM Hydantoin, Citric Acid, Persea Gratissima (Avocado) Oil, Sodium Xylenesulfonate, Quaternium-80, Bisamino PEG/PPG-41/3 Aminoethyl PG-Propyl Dimethicone, Disodium EDTA, Alcohol, PEG-18 Glyceryl Oleate/Cocoate, Aloe Barbadensis Leaf Juice, Polyquaternium-7. USDA Certified Organic Extracts: Aloe Vera, Sweet Orange, and Avocado. (Emphasis mine.)
But onto a happier subject for a moment. Does anyone remember why Kimberly’s hair turned green on Different Strokes? We’d really love to hear from you, and we’re not above resorting to games to make it happen.
