Get Happier: Wish for Five Nice Things
The other night over dinner with friends, I invented a new game.
As we tore into our appetizers of fennel salad, roasted cauliflower and Cabernet (yes, wine counts), we played a round of something I’ll call Wish for Five Nice Things.
Our friends are good sports, and they know me well enough to just roll with this kind of cheesy forced-participation dinnertime activity when inspiration strikes. The three of us have played Say Five Nice Things together several times over shared meals. On another occasion, we decided that everyone at the table should say something nice to the person to our right, then we switched and did the person to our left. So corny, I know.
This one’s a little different. Instead of pointing out things that you like, focus on what you’d like to have. In your life. Now or later.
Examples: Maybe you’d like that weird-in-a-bad-way recurring dream to stop happening. Maybe you find yourself stuck in a pattern you’d like to break, or you wish you could actually try crow pose instead of running to the bathroom every time it comes up at yoga. Or maybe you’ve got your eye on a new job, or a cute guy or girl or…a killer pair of pumps? This game, like Say Five Nice Things, doesn’t have to be heavy.
So why bother? First, remember, this isn’t about finding a thing outside of yourself that will fix all your problems. Instead, it’s about setting an intention, saying it out loud so you kind of own the thing, and then risking wishing for what you secretly know you want but for which you are maybe a little scared to ask from universe/yourself/your partner/your body etc. So maybe “wish” is the wrong word, but we’ll work with that for now.
Still need convincing? Here are four reasons to play Wish For Five Nice Things:
1. We’re a goal-oriented species. My acupuncturist is good at reminding me that life goes by in a snap if you don’t actively participate in it. Actually, it goes by in a snap no matter how you live, so it’s a nice idea to try to be present, see what’s in front of you, and create the life you want. I find setting intentions—out loud, or out loud in my head—to be useful day-to-day, and in a big-picture kind of way.
2. It helps you identify what it is you really want. This is not easy! I will go on the record and say that this year has totally kicked my ass. But it’s also taught me a great deal about the preciousness of life and how much it matters where you put your energy. A lot of folks are take-what-comes kind of people in some area of their life. There is nothing wrong with living that way. In fact, it’s the goal of many spiritual practices. But there’s a difference between rolling with the punches, because the punches will always roll, and not actually thinking about—and risking going after—what it is you really want. Even if that thing happens to be shoes.
3. It puts you in the driver’s seat. Again, this is why “wish” isn’t quite right, but life has taught me that when you vocalize what you want, as opposed to just taking whatever it throws at you, you are primed to risk getting it—by actually doing something. At the very least, it can help you set in action a course you could follow to get that thing. Or so goes my logic.
4. It’s nice to wish for things for other people. So we played this game at dinner, and then at the bar across the street with different friends after, and guess what happened? Everyone just totally came alive, excited by their own wishes, but especially about everyone else’s. It gives you something to wish for on behalf of your loved ones (or, if you’re stuck, you can always just steal their good ones). But it’s nice to wish for things for other people, especially when it’s not the thing you think they need, or the thing you think they should want, but what they picked themselves.
So! We’d love you to list five nice things YOU want for yourself in the comments. If you’re feeling shy, grab a piece of paper and write it down. We’d also encourage you to try it with your friends or your lover. And if you’re up for a bonus round (I always am), play Say Five Nice Things, too.
I wish…
1. To have a lovely birthday.
2. To have a lovely senior year of college.
3. For my mother to have less stress, better sleep and good health.
4. To gain admission to a graduate program in public health.
5. For my boyfriend to gain admission to a graduate program in physics.
1. for a beautifully organized bedroom
2. for the ability to let go of extra material possessions
3. for the perfect pair of black work trousers
4. for physical affection
5. for time to go to a yoga class
1. To get to a healthy weight for the first time in my adult life
2. For my daughter to get used to going to school and being without me during the day
3. For my husband and I to always feel the amount of love and respect we feel for each other now
4. My house would magically clean itself
5. That it could always be fall
Ooohhh I like it, good timing, this kind of goes along with the book I am reading, “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin. I recommend it!
My five:
1. To finish my first half marathon at the end of this month, without stopping
2. To have a good trip to Haiti
3. To have better skin
4. For my boyfriend to get into the MBA program of his choice
5. To enjoy the holiday season
What a great idea :)
My five:
1. To do well in my 4 year Psychology program.
2. My mom to have good health and sleep
3. Be close to my God
4. Travel the world
5. Finally, I want love and happiness for others and for myself
1) For the perfect pair of (affordable) brown, heeled booties for fall.
2) For my husband and I to have a strong, happy marriage full of love, laughter and mutual respect.
3) For my husband to find his next path in his career.
4) Inner and outer radiance (code for clear skin and the confidence that comes with it)
5) To handle change and uncertainty with grace – because there is more of it to come!
1. to find some brilliant inspriations for NMDL posts
2. to have fun with my son while I help him with homework and projects
3. to have my roof not leak this winter/rainy season
4. for my students to do really well on their exams, so they are easy/fast to grade!
5. to be my best self, every day
I hope everyone gets their wishes : )
I’ve also been feeling overwhelmed as of late.
I wish…
1. To finish my thesis and graduate.
2. To find a nice job.
3. For my life to be less stressful.
4. For my boyfriend to finally get his immigration papers.
5. For my family and I to be healthy.
I wish…
1. To allow myself to balance a busy business, relationship, family and friends in a healthy way.
2. To spend more quality time with my aging parents that seek new adventures in their retirement. They’re suddenly fun.
3. To pay myself, one day real soon.
4. To continue to be inspired by the people I meet and the adventures I take. (Machu Picchu, here I come!)
5. For my wonderful, awesome divorced sister to find a great partner that is not a Republican and can handle political discussion at family dinners. This one is my biggest wish!
Wow. I loved reading all of these wish lists this morning! It’s warming (OK I may be making that word up for the sensation) to get a better sense of the hopes and dreams and lives outside of wellness & natural beauty of all the NMDL readers. It enforces that we all have many of the same wishes and even fears and anxieties. Thanks everyone for sharing.
Here are 5 for me today…
1. Echoing Victoria – to spend more time with my parents and also my brothers, sister in law, niece, nephew, and boyfriend’s family
2. To feel positive and hopeful about making a life and finding a home in New York City – and maybe a second home somewhere else – a more peaceful somewhere else (I’m wishing big today!)
3. For Kahina GB to continue to grow and succeed
4. For my boyfriend to get a job he is more interested in – but that doesn’t make him work 16+ hour days for the rest of his life
5. For my parents to finally find and buy the Maine home they always, always dreamed of
@Victoria – number 5 on your list is a WINNER. Made me laugh. I wish this for her and for your whole family, too!
Thanks a lot to Siobhan for this lovely idea.
I’m with @Mairin, @Victoria’s #5 = awesome/hilarious/important
To all the people dealing with education and the stress that comes with it – wow, it brings me back to that time in my own life, sending love and strength to you : )
I wish…
1. To get into the graduate program I am applying to in a few months.
2. To one day be able to provide for my parents who have done so much for me.
3. To be able to really know who I am as a person and individual.
4. To gain the skill to speak my mind and not be so shy.
5. To be able to let go of sentimental objects and possessions that I don’t need, but think I do.
rejoicing in these commitments for the future …
1. successfully launch badass workshops for women that skyrocket them closer inward to realizing their full potential
2. exponentially beneficial partnerships to transform the world in a really positive, powerful, tangible way
3. dream-come-true opportunities for re-creating the whole concept of what ’spa’ is
4. more and more fearlessness to think outside the box and magnetize incredibly talented people to co-create with
5. sharper and sharper awareness to recognize where I can be of service to others
rejoicing in these commitments for the future …
1. successfully launch badass workshops for women that skyrocket them closer inward to realizing their full potential
2. exponentially beneficial partnerships to transform the world in a really positive, powerful, tangible way
3. dream-come-true opportunities for re-creating the whole concept of what ’spa’ is
4. more and more fearlessness to think outside the box and magnetize incredibly talented people to co-create with
5. sharper and sharper awareness to recognize where I can be of service to others
Amazing guys. Keep em coming. Here are mine. Eeks.
1. To have how I feel on the inside reflected in every area of my life on the outside (work, love, friends).
2. To make a great contribution to women’s health and wellbeing (and one day maybe even be the editor in chief of something).
3. For my twin nieces, sister in law, parents and everyone else who was touched by the life of my brother to carry his joy and honesty and laughter with them every day.
4. For my own capacity for laughter, which is already great, to grow.
5. To connect deeply even when it’s scary.
1. Build a home with my boyfriend (and not nag him too much)
2. “Be Natalie” and recognize that what brings me great joy may not be “fun” for everyone else and that’s okay
3. Prioritize wellness. This means so many different things both routine and novel (be able to run for 30 minutes, try acupuncture, bake something gluten free, get off a medication) I may have cheated there.
4, Connect more with my mom…any maybe my dad
5. Nurture my friendships and work to make new ones, even if it is very difficult at times
And my boyfriend’s, for fun:
1. Spending more time with Natalie and getting lots of emotional and physical affection.
2. Finding a job that I really enjoy, working on issues that I find interesting and for a purpose I believe in.
3. Being able to balance work and everything else, and in particular having enough time outside of work to spend quality time with my partner, family and friends, and having time to work out regularly and be fit and healthy and feel good.
4. Having the time and resources to take martial arts classes on a regular basis, particularly kickboxing, brazilian jiu-jitsu, and krav maga.
5. Having the time and resources to travel with Natalie.
I wish with all my heart…
1. To let go of my fears and insecurities.
2. To see my professional concept blossom.
3. To see my three children happy in their shoes (as we say in french).
4. To give thanks and praises for my precious friendships.
5. To love myself more so I can love other people better.
1. Figure out how to harness this feeling of potential and blossoming as a person.
2. To be fearless in all endeavors. Knowing when to be brave and fight for myself and my hopes makes me feel very alive.
3. To stop being the worst pen pal ever and write people back.
4. Create more and more. I wish I could feel more confident in my art to fearlessly create these visions in my head.
5. I hope to continue showing my boyfriend the love and appreciation that he deserves . He gives me hope, confidence and support to \blossom\ and strive for more. This also extends to my family and friends. They deserve the world.
What a lovely idea!
1. I wish to live in the moment.
2. I wish to create more than I consume.
3. I wish to be more loving and nice to others – especially those I don’t enjoy.
4. I wish to make God/spirituality a priority.
5. I wish for my boyfriend to find happiness in his life.
Wow! What a great game to play with friends. I’ll surely share this with my friends. It’s gonna be real fun.
Anyways, my five are:
1. I wish to travel the world, be friend with different kinds of people, experience different culture, eat the tastiest and the weirdiest food, explore different things and learn different languages.
2. I wish to be the best in the field of work that I am in.
3. I wish to live life with someone special.
4. I wish to be an inspiration to everyone.
5. I wish to give happiness to our one and only creator, God, in this life.
To quote my favorite musical “I wish more than anything. More than life. I wish…”
1. To find joy in my current job situation. I have one I destest. It makes getting up and going there every morning a chore.
2. To build a strong relationship with my new husband
3. To see the positive side of life/not be such an “Eeyore” about everything
4. To make sure that I tell my family I love them at least once a week
5. That everyone around the world would have a chance to see their wishes come true.
I wish…
1. That my boyfriend will find the courage to love me and give us a serious chance despite our odds.
2. That I could find time for daily meditation.
3. For my mum, my dad and my baby sister to feel happy.
4. That I had a friend of my own in this city.
5. That this period of feeling stressed and tired will pass soon.