Please Help! A Reader Is Having a Hair Crisis!
This letter popped up in our inbox and our hearts melted. Our letter writer has cleaned up her whole routine but her hair continues to act like a temperamental teenager. She has tried, it would seem to us, just about everything. Not being curly myself, I’m at a loss. And she’s tried Alexandra’s plan to no avail. So without further ado, we turn the mic over to her, and then to you all. Please, guys, help her out. She writes:
This request for assistance is prompted, somewhat, by the recent post on silicones. The former catholic in me feels the compulsion to confess her sins (or, in this case, planned sins). Here goes:
I have greened my entire beauty routine, relying in part on your book and blog as well as lots of product trial-and-error. I am a long-standing product whore, especially as regards hair products (both dirty and clean). I found the transition to clean skincare to be easy (skin looked better than when using conventional products). I found the transition to clean body care to be easy (lovely oils, gentle scrubs, simple saponified oil soaps, luxe balms). I found the transition to clean make-up to be relatively easy, albeit a little bit more challenging given how difficult it is to pick colors on clean products not in mass retail circulation. (I’ve pieced together my corporate day look using mostly Vapour and W3LL People, with a little bit of RMS and Jane Iredale, and I don’t mind the midday touch up required.)
HOWEVER. Hair. Hair has been the bane of my clean beauty existence.
I have not found the transition to clean hair products to be easy, fun, successful, or rewarding. I have curly, dry, frizzy, coarse strawberry-blonde hair that I highlight with conventional foils every 6 months or so. I don’t have the big, loud, resilient curls that Alexandra does. Mine are more mixed curl, wave and frizz, depending on what part of my head the hair grows from, and also depending on what my hormones are up to at the time. I used to be a Bumble & Bumble girl; their curl products are the best, in terms of short-term payoff. I have been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the last four years, which does a number on my hair texture (and makes the hair quest extra challenging).
- I tried a shampooless routine of baking soda and vinegar, and I was never able to find a balance of the two that worked for me. I also never was able to get my scalp clean enough. I have a tendency to itchy, flaky scalp (usually triggered by stress and/or hormones).
- I gave the true conditioner-only method a try for 45 days while on maternity leave and never got over the fuzzy stage. I found that my scalp didn’t get clean enough and my hair was limp, so now I end up using a shampoo once a week and conditioner-only another 2 days a week.
- I tried various C-tonics combinations, including Passion and Tranquility shampoo and Blossom and Milk conditioners, and concluded they are good but not life-changing, as would justify the price. I have tried most of the John Masters shampoos and conditioners, all of the Acure shampoos and conditioners, and various Aubrey shampoos and conditioners.
- I have tried the following products in various combinations: IN Volumizing spray, IN hair spray, IN leave-in, Kinky-Curly spiral spritz, Rahua hair spray, Rahua finishing treatment, John Masters shine on, JM texturizing balm, JM pomade, JM neroli leave-in, JM protein gel, Aubrey curl activating spray, Dr. Bronner’s leave-in conditioner, Yarouk leave-in conditioner, Yarouk styling whip, various oils such as argan, jojoba and rosemary, Giovanni volumizing mousse, Lulu hair powder, and probably some others I’m forgetting because I’m not at home in front of my huge hair products drawer right now.
My hair needs some products with guts, that’s why the old Bumble and Bumble ones worked so well—they had hold, a certain tackiness that helped my curls form, and silicone to fight the fuzz. I miss silicone. With clean shine and frizz products, including oils, it seems that all I get is shiny fuzz. Shiny fuzz is a look that no doubt works for some people, in some contexts, but it’s not what I need for my conservative, corporate day look.
My hair goal is not to eliminate my curls or even totally banish fuzz. I never straight iron or blow dry; I largely aim to let my hair do its own curly thing. I just need some hold and polish during hot steamy summers, especially while at work (at which I almost always wear my hair up, in part because I can’t get a grip on the shiny fuzz situation).
I’m teetering on the brink: the dark conventional side is calling me. Tell me that other people have experienced these problems and triumphed. I need some guidance and encouragement. Bumble & Bumble is calling my name.
YOU GUYS! Help her help herself! What can you recommend?
@ Beth – Yeah, sort of! It’s not exactly “in your face” or anything (at least I hope not!), and like you say, other people might not react to it. I asked my dad about it once, and he didn’t really notice a thing, but then again, he never really notices anything. ;) I’m going to try and be more relaed about it, but in the meantime I’m definitely going to give the Aubrey Honeysuckle Rose shampoo & conditioner a go! I have read other good things about them, so hopefully they will work for me too. :) Thank you so much for your help!
@ Katrina – Good to know I’m not alone! And what great advice, who doesn’t like a bit of DIY? ;) I have to try this too as soon as possible, I already have the chamomile tea down in the kitchen so now I just have to go on the hunt for some organge blossom water… Thank you!!
Really exciting to have some new things to try out for my own hair dilemma, hopefully we will all find a final solution one day… ;)
Girl, I am with you. Your hair sounds exactly like mine. I second those who mentioned Curly Girl — I’m sometimes lazy with the method, but I ALWAYS use an old tshirt to dry my hair. A towel doesn’t come near it. I wash as needed, every 5 days or so, and condition daily. I’ve stopped using leave-ins recently because my hair was freaking out and my skin didn’t like them, so I’m no help there.
Thank you for your kind words Rebecca! I’ve tried many of your tips from previous comment sections. I am really encouraged by everyone’s advice and I think I might have even picked up some great tips/brands for myself :))) Always a plus!
Hi, I’m a brunette and have a combo wavy/frizzy and some strands of straight probably mixed in.
Sometimes I have great hair & then not. I tried baking soda & vinegar, then moved to John Masters, then to Giovanni and then a mixture and now using what my boyfriend bought, I think it’s Avalon? Not exactly sure how clean that is but will use that until I buy a big bottle of JMO. What I found works pretty well is either coat hair & scalp with olive oil or coconut oil before shampooing, leave it for a while & the shampoo. Conditioner optional, might not need it.
Or if not much time… Condition, shampoo, and then use clean conditioner on upper half of hair (scalp area) and silicone based on bottom half. Not completely clean but close.
Curly hair is really difficult. I still haven’t found any styling products that I like as much as Aveda as far as hold and shine. Most everything else in my routine is pretty darn “clean” so I don’t feel that bad about using a few styling products when I wash my hair.
Rule #1 for curls – Don’t touch your hair while it’s drying! It will get frizzy.
Definitely get a good hairstylist and get your hair cut into the right shape for your curls. If using Bumble&Bumble makes you happy, don’t be too hard on yourself about it. It’s all about finding the right balance!
My advice:
–Visit naturallycurly.com for curly hair care advice and tips
–Try Shea Moisture hair care products (Target, Walgreen’s, Duane Reade, WalMart).
I’m 36 years old and just discovered Curly Girl about four months ago.
I swear by DevaCurl products. (www.mydevacurl.com). Conventional shampoo hasn’t touched my hair since, and it’s never looked better. Even on the third or fourth day post-wash, it looks better than it used to on day 2.
I think plopping with an old t-shirt has the most impact, along with hands-off while drying.
Even on especially humid days, my hair looks better. I feel like, at almost 37, I’ve finally figured out how to care for my hair.
I used to have the SAME issues and I KNOW YOUR PAIN: my hair is curly/dry/thin and would easily frizz. I don’t know how “green” WEN products are but his cleansing conditioner is only thing I use to clean my hair for years now. And my hair loves his products. The caveat with his products is that you must follow the directions exactly.
I also don’t use a towel to dry my hair – I use either special microfiber towel for curly hair or like others above, an old t-shirt. It is imperative to use these to keep frizz at bay.
As a leave in conditioner, I either use WEN or Intelligent Nutrients leave in. For styling I swear by Curl Keeper.
I let my hair air dry and do NOT touch it until it is almost dry.
And, I have finally found someone that knows how to cut my curly hair – so after 60 years of hating my hair, now I finally love it.
I agree with “mangomadness” comments for you to visit naturally curly.com for hair care advice, tips and products for curly hair
I have similar hair, but mine is thin and curly/wavy. I swear by Prive VERT shampoo and conditioner. For styling curly hair, I used Aveda Be Curly for a longtime and am still working through a tube, but they are only so-so for being green. I also love Surface Hair Care trinity protein cream for a leave in and then once dry, I use Max Green Alchemy pomade to tame frizz and add shine. I do also like John Masters Neroli leave in conditioner but that seems to loosen my curls so I use Surface more. Hope that helps!
hmm, well I’ve been hearing about australian brand O&M, never tried it myself but apparently it works rlly well? can’t find a way to get my hands on their products though…sniff. anyone got ideas?
I feel your pain! Your hair sounds a lot like mine… pretty uncooperative. I tried a couple of natural hair care products and reviewed them with photos on my blog, I loved them! The brand is called Original Moxie, try their Oasis moisture gel… works great!
Goe oil from Jao brand and leave in conditioner from Griffin Remedies. two amazing products that are totally clean and will wow your curly hair better than any conventional products
P.S. – Alexandra, have you ever tried Kinky Curly Curling Custard? It is all natural, and works best on thick curly hair like yours. There are many positive reviews for it. Some time ago you reviewed Andalou Cream, saying that you haven’t tried many natural curl creams….Just wondering, have you tried this? It’s worth a shot.
Sorry to hear about your hair troubles, but you are clearly not alone. From the looks of all the responses a lot of us are in the same sisterhood. The following things have helped me like my hair again after years of mistreatment and using the wrong products.
The Curly Girl book rocked my world and gave me hope ( if you can stomach the bad puns throughout the book ).
I get a lot of my products from Curlmart.com. I’ve had limited success with Deva Curl products and a terrible neck rash after using their leave in conditioner, but I love Curl Junkie stuff especially Daily Fix, Smoothing Lotion leave in conditioner, Pattern Pusha hair gel, Curls in a Bottle styling solution, and Smoothing daily conditioner. They also have a deep conditioning weekly hair mask that smells like strawberry ice cream and really hydrates.
Their products seem pretty clean– no parabens, dimethicone, etc.
Curl Mart also sells hair drying cloths made from thick cotton jersey called Curls Like Us and they work great! They dry my hair in ringlets that dry nicely and don’t absorb all the product off the hair.
Curl Mart should give me a kick back for this endorsement, but another reason I like that site is reading the ratings and reviews from customers. It really helps with the decision making process. Good luck!