What Birth Control Method Do You Use?
Let’s talk about sex, shall we? Ever since the fascinating and instructive conversation we had here on No More Dirty Looks a few weeks ago about going off the pill and the perils therein, there’s been a raging conversation going among some of my girlfriends about what to do about not getting pregnant unless you’re ready.
Some are still on the pill. One is ready to come off it but doesn’t know what to do. Some just use condoms. Some do the pull-out thing. Some track their cycle and are super careful around ovulation but loose the rest of the month. There’s some variety, but not much.
I recently read the new Jeffrey Eugenides book The Marriage Plot (thumbs up, for the most part) and was amused that the lead female is in college and uses a diaphragm. Maybe people still use these, I don’t know, but I certainly don’t know anyone who does, and I get why. There’s a scene in the book where she has to go put it in after they start making out and, well, they’re both sort of bummed about that and they stop. Admittedly, the book was written by a man, and I find it annoying when men complain about the inconvenience of birth control—not that he was complaining! it’s a novel! and her boyfriend was on Lithium!—unless he’s a real prince about using condoms. But there’s no getting around the fact that the diaphragm does seem to me like an especially unpleasant option, requiring either foresight or a “wait right here” moment, both of which can kill the mood. (The book, to be fair, is set in the 1980s.) At the same time, it’s a non-hormonal option, so it’s got that going for it.*
These days, there’s a buffet of safety** options (“I’m a safety girl!”) … right? I know I’m not breaking news when I say they’re all rather imperfect. I mean, no one loves condoms, and most of you who were on the pill had some complaints. Which is why we want to hear from you guys. We were taught about “family planning” in high school, which was a while ago now, and I have to assume there are people out there who have come up with semi-satisfactory systems for themselves, right? I keep hearing amazing things about the non-hormonal IUD, for instance, but then I hear sometimes it makes you spot every day. Point being, we’re curious!
Before we open the floor to you, another disclaimer: We are not doctors or family-planning experts; we’re just women and men chatting about what works, or doesn’t work, for us. You should consult your doctor or health care practitioner before making any changes. Nothing we’ve said here constitutes medical or family-planning advice, and nothing said in the comments should be taken as such either.
Now go ahead and post—anonymously if you want, by all means, and we want to hear from the men around here too: What method, device, drug or strategy do you use to prevent pregnancy?
* Whoever guesses the movie reference without googling will have our undying love.
** Ditto.
Image via
@Rebecca: I don’t use lube, natural or otherwise, because I’m not using condoms (I’m in a monogamous relationship, FYI) . I don’t know if I’m allergic to latex or just sensitive to it but either way I just try to limit what comes in contact with me. If I did need to use lube for whatever reason, I would probably use Jojoba Oil. I’ve heard it’s molecularly similar to sebum (our own naturally occurring oils) but I would need to investigate how it’s sourced/processed if I were going to use it with any frequency. I just can’t have ANYTHING foreign near me, if only to eliminate all the variables for what might contribute to my VVD. It’s bad enough I wear synthetic & dyed/bleached fabrics….
Will research FAM, but as far as we’ve come, there’s still not a lot of options for me. It wouldn’t be a problem so much if my family doctor wouldn’t lecture me every time I see her….BUT that’s a whole different issue, lol.
I use an all natural and organic lube that’s condom safe or can be used alone (obviously). I will review it soon!
And for latex-allergic guys and dolls, there’s also SKYN condoms. Cheaper on amazon than in stores.
Liz: I’ve used NFP methods in the past, but my mucus signs are either really wild, or I’m fertile more than once a month. I’ve made it a habit to know my body well, and used this method before I was even sexually active. (Am I weird?) It’s one of the reasons I chose the Pill. When I got pregnant this time, I wasn’t even bothering with it, but if I’m still fertile more than once a month… I have no idea what to do! Honestly, I should really donate eggs….
Weaning babies from night time feedings actually increases the chances of your periods coming back. If you nurse at least once every 4 hours during the day, once every 6 at night, and do not supplement with formula, you’ve got a good 96% protection until your period returns. Lying down with the baby to nurse him to sleep also decreases your fertility chances, especially when you nap as well. Co-sleeping or bed-sharing both increases the success of breastfeeding overall, enhances your bond with your baby AND decreases that fertility further. (Side note: I HIGHLY recommend co-sleeping when it can be done safely. Check out naturalchild.org for the guidelines.) Doing this delayed the return of my period for a good 7 months. I know a woman who didn’t have her period return until two months after weaning her 16 month old daughter. My mother, on the other hand, had her fertility come back with a bang six weeks after giving birth with BOTH her kids. Your mileage may vary! However, if your period does delay coming back, enjoy that time!
i had a non-hormonal iud for 6 years and it was 6 years of hell for me. i had it removed this summer after my husband had a vasectomy (yay for me!) and my libido has returned, periods are back to 3 days tops, no cramps, and no more vulvodynia.
I use Paragard, the copper IUD. I got it when I had bangin’ insurance, so it was $15 to get put in. It doesn’t put any nasty hormones in my body, and it just sits there nicely most of the time. My periods have changed thusly: heavier for a day or two, worse cramps for a day or two. That’s it! Worth it to me. And it lasts for 10-12 years.
Related: one of my amazing professors wrote an article on withdrawal, and how surprisingly (given what we’re told about pulling out) effective it is: http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/reprints/Contraception79-407-410.pdf
I am excited about this topic!
I went off birth control about 2 months ago (approaching my next period) and I am a recovering paranoid freak about preventing pregnancy! Our first measure was to stockpile condoms. I also picked up VCF at the drugstore, to help with my paranoia. My husband and I do not want to try for children yet and the extra spermicide is a safety blanket for me, despite its moumental UN-cleanness.
On an important note to those who suffer from to-go-or-not-to-go-to-the-emergency-room kinda pains: I discovered through my chiropractor that I have a twisted conglomeration of nerves in my low back caused by an extra lumbar vertebrae. When he saw my x-ray he said “I don’t mean to get personal but do you have extreme pain with menstruation?” I was floored! Yes, for years, agonizing, take a day off school and work and hurts to breathe kinda pain. Since that discovery, I upped my treatment from just homeopathic to chiropractic and yoga poses. Going off the Pill terrified me, but for the first time in my entire menstruating life (20+) years, I had mild cramps while au naturel. Ladies, it may be more than you think it is. It is DEFINITELY worth checking into; pain like that is NOT normal, even if it’s your norm.
@Brinklen – wow, I felt so alone in having those painful menstrual cramps. Would never have thought of the chiropractor since the gyno usually does two things with news of painful menstrual cramps: put you on a lifetime of birth control pills or brush it off and suggest cramping meds. Has the yoga been helping?
Still lovin the pill for a myriad of reasons!
Brinklen: thank you so much for sharing that! My best friend has been suffering from the worst cramps I’ve ever seen in a woman since she started menstruating. She just went under the knife for exploratory surgery to see if they could find anything (they didn’t), and is so frustrated because her doctors are completely baffled, and have been for the last 14 years. I think I shall encourage her to “think outside the box.” Goodness knows it wouldn’t hurt!
Recently just got into a sexually active relationship for the first time and I’m 22. Never taken BC before and would like to think that I am fairly in-tune with my body, my cycle and ovulation are super regular.
Reading/Watching this thread to see if anything helpful comes up!
I am very, very hesitant to start using birth control after reading about all the side effects and the synthetic hormones. Currently condoms are the method the boyfriend and I are using…although our first time he thought he had a mishap and I used the morning after pill–but all was well because I got my period like clockwork 4 days later…
Hoping to get good info here as usual…
I use the regular old pill and I’m totally cool with it. While I’m obsessive about the contents of my lotion and my toothpaste and blah blah blah, I let it go with the pill for some reason. Neither my boyfriend or I want kids, so that’s just what it is. Pill and nothing else.
But the thing that *really* keeps me on the pill instead of considering other options is the fact that I can now tolerate lady time. Before the pill, I had cramps in my back that were so bad that I had to take about eight Aleve every day [four times what you're supposed to take] to get them down to a level that didn’t have me in tears. I still couldn’t stand up straight, but I could make it to school/work. And that would last for seven full days. It was god awful, I missed a lot of school. Now, maybe I have an hour of mild pain in my back, nothing I can’t handle, and I don’t take any pain medications. So I’m figuring that’s balancing it out somewhat.
I used to work at a raw foods vegan place, and the owner would always rag on me for taking bc, saying “It’s not like taking vitamins, your body isn’t lacking in birth control pills.” To which I would reply, “Yeah, but I *do* want it to be lacking in babies, so…” They all kept talking about the rhythm method, but I barely know what mood I’m in until I snap at someone or start dancing on a table, I certainly don’t know when I’m ovulating.
mirena iud is the best of all evils. i can’t believe no one has mentioned it. Yes it still has hormones but the level of the
progestin in your blood is constant rather than the spikes offered by nuvaring or the pill (worst of all) and the concentration is much lower, like 20micrograms at the beginning that reduces over time to more like 10 micrograms. It’s the physical device that’s actually preventing the pregnancy and the spotting only lasts 1-3 months for 5 -7 years of protection. Sure its’ a bit annoying, but my peace of mind and control over my life is worth it.
I’m 21 and have been sexually active for two years, but have always used condoms up until this point. I’m really hesitant to go on hormonal birth control for all the reasons already discussed. My boyfriend has brought up an IUD, which I’d already been considering. I’m scared of having a bad reaction after reading all these comments, especially because it’s kind of a big investment (500-1000 dollars, from what I’ve heard).
I use the copper IUD and I love love love it! I dilly dallied for years with various pills and condoms before finally getting the IUD put in, and I’m so happy I did.
Pros: It’s really, really effective, you never have to think about it, and it lasts 10-12 years! Also it’s non hormonal which is a huge plus.
Cons: slightly heavier periods, slightly more cramping, and it is really uncomfortable to have them inserted. Also, I have some very mild spotting for a day or two around ovulation.
For me, the IUD was simply the best option, and I’m really happy with it!
I’ve read Toni Weschler’s book Taking Charge of Your Fertility and I’d like start charting my cycle to see if I can track my ovulation. Paper and pencil just don’t appeal to me, though, and the website’s online charting doesn’t quite work. If anyone’s aware of a better website for charting my cycle, I’m all ears!
I use the copper IUD. There are benefits: my libido returned slightly and I no longer have to be diligent about the pill. But the cons make it almost–ALMOST–not worth it: Debilitating pain the day I got it in. A lot of cramps before, during and even after my period that get worse with alcohol consumption or an empty stomach (and I never got periods before!). A period so heavy for two days that I have to set an alarm ever 3.5 hours to make sure I run to the bathroom. And the most frustrating part? About 6 months after I went off the pill, adult hormonal acne has visited my face with a vengeance. When my dermatologist saw it she said, “Did you recently go off the pill? This is typical.” If I could go back I would probably not do it again, but now that it’s in, I’m going to leave it alone.
@M I’ve used charting for over a year now with an iPhone app called Lily. It’s really well done and has been accurate within a couple of days. I’m able to document signs as the occur throught the day, and it takes care of the evaluation — so I dont have to worry remembering how to apply all the rules. I was on the pill for about a year– it made my migraines worse and might have contributed to gallbladder disease. I had none of the risks (fat, forty, female, & fertile) except being female.
I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for four years, and for the entirety of the relationship, we’ve used charting and the withdrawal method. (@Anna, thanks for that really interesting article on withdrawal!) We don’t have sex at all while I’m ovulating, and for the rest of the month we always use the withdrawal method. I track my period and ovulation with http://www.mymonthlycycles.com. It’s pretty great and you can set it to send you email alerts. I also read The V Book (www.thevbook.com) to get more of a sense of physical signs of ovulation. In four years, I’ve never been pregnant–although, there have been two trips to get the morning after pill. But I’d say those are pretty good odds.
I do all of this because I tried both the ring and the pill with disastrous results. And I’ve never found a condom that I didn’t have an allergic reaction to. So, there you have it.
I’ve been sexually active now for about a year now and have only ever used condoms. I’m loathe to consider hormonal birth control for a myriad of reasons–somehow the barrier method sits better with me. However, I have been experiencing almost monthly yeast infections since I started having sex. I’ve tried everything I can think of or find online, but they come every month during or after my period. Aside from cutting out ANY sort of yeast-feeding food in my diet (sugar of any kind and simple carbs), nothing has kept it at bay. Part of me suspects it might be the condoms…has anybody else had this experience?
@Nicole, I totally feel your pain. I used to suffer from chronic yeast infections myself. I would get them after using condoms, but I would also get them every single time I had a period, just like you. The only thing that really works for me is taking probiotics. They don’t need to be probiotics that are specific for women, just a good quality probiotic that you take consistently. Right now, I take one by Jarrow Formulas. Also, a couple of times I’ve done a cleanse, such as this one: http://www.renewlife.com/rapid-yeast-relief.html. It seemed to really help me. There are also some natural remedies that I came to rely on, if you’re interested. Best of luck to you!
@Jennifer:
Yes! Gotta love yoga! Getting in tune with your body is especially important when you’re in pain. I don’t have a hard time with the breathing either, which is great when before it certainly hurt to breathe deep.
Update: I have successfully had my second period without a birth control pill induced coma! Took me by surprise on Christmas day, which is a jubilant first! In all my menstrual memory, I have NEVER NEVER been surprised by my period sneaking up; my cramping pain was always a dead giveaway of the torture to come.
It can be done, ladies! I am living it and being blessed by little victories every month! YAY!
@Siobhan G, hmmm I’ve tried probiotics in the past without much success, at least with regard to yeast infections. How long did you have to take it regularly before it really prevented infections? And I’m down for any natural remedies (or, preferably preventions!) you want to throw my way. I’ve cut out the sugar (which worked but somehow is too minimalistic of a lifestyle for me), done garlic and/or yogurt…both ways. Grapefruit seed extract…tea tree oil…coconut oil…. I’m thankful to my menstrual cup now that I can tell/smell as soon as anything is starting down there, and I’m pretty good at taking care of it quickly at this point, but it would be nice to not have to worry at all…. :/
I have had a copper IUD for a year and it rocks. I am 31, married and have no kids (yet). My Mom and sister have had the IUD for ages. Don’t let people (industry) scare you away from them, the drug companies want you to take the pill instead. With my insurance coverage the 10-year IUD costs less than 1 year of the pill. The insertion was not bad at all – it maybe hurt for 10 seconds and then I had bad cramps for a day (still went to work). I took the pill for 10 years prior to getting an IUD and since making the switch I have lost weight, have a clearer head, and my libido is back to where it was when I was 18. Also, I love Sliquid H2O lube which is paraben and glycerine free, they also make a organic version.
@Siobhan I think you should run a workshop/lecture series on this topic.
Hi…haven’t had time to read through all of this…..recently switched to organic condoms of the Glyde brand, they’re excellent!! BUT, on another note, does anyone have any tips on natural alternatives to Plan B? Kind of an urgent question if you know what I mean…..
I’ve been on the nonhormonal IUD (paraguard) since April 2010. I don’t hesitate in the least when I say it’s the best decision I’ve ever made concerning my mental and sexual health. All hormonal birth controls (and I had tried quite a few: the pill (three different kinds, all low dosage), the ring, and the shot (before it came out about how it destroyed your bones), not to mention condoms which I really dislike – they all caused me to freak out and lose my sex drive completely.
The IUD insertion was painful – no sugar coating that. I actually cried in front of the doctor and the nurse. But it was really only 10 seconds, and then some cramping and spotting for the next 2 – 3 days. My period is really heavy the first two (but it had always been heavy), then super light the next three. I don’t spot, ever. And so far, no pregnancies, weird cramping, or discomfort on my or my partner’s part. It is literally the greatest.
I know every body is different, but please don’t rule the copper IUD out if hormonal BC isn’t working for you. The industry used to only recommend the IUD for women who have given birth, but that is totally not the case now – personally, I think it’s the best option for women in their 20s and 30s who are sexually active and not looking to start a family for a while. For me and plenty of my girlfriends, it’s been revolutionary.
@Nicole, it looks like you’re well aware of all the natural remedies. As for the probiotic, it’s been years since I started taking them, but I think it did take a couple of months for the yeast infections to subside. What I remember clearly, though, is that a lot of brands just didn’t do it for me. Generally, the cheaper brands don’t survive your stomach, so you’re not actually getting any benefit from them. I took the acidophilus pearls brand for years before I found the one I take now, which is more expensive but works really well.
@Siobhan G, Thanks for the reply. Interesting that the pearls did not work for you…those are the ones I tried (in addition to the ones from Trader Joes). I think I’ll try the one’s you’ve had success with and see what happens. Good to know also that it took a few months for everything to kick in. I’ve done a few yeast cleanses as well with not much on the result side, but I’ve also never kept up a steady regimen of probiotics for an extended amount of time, so I’ll give that a try and hope that that helps! Thanks again!
@Siobhan G (again…), whoa, Jarrow has a lot of different probiotics! which ones have you been successful with?
I used to take the pill, but like many others, had issues while on it. So, I stopped and now use nothing…but that’s due to the fact that I don’t mind if I get pregnant or not.
PS Julia Roberts-Pretty Woman…..LOVE that movie!
I took the pill for 10 years and stopped 6 months ago. It was THE smartest decision I could have made. After a few months of rollercoaster hormones and breakouts, my skin has completely cleared up and I’m hormonally balanced. I now track my cycle (“Taking Charge of Your Fertility” by Toni Weschler is GENIUS) and use condoms if I’m anywhere near ovulation to be safe. I will never go back to the pill and have never felt more like myself!!
I have been following Toni Weschler’s Taking Charge of Your Fertility methods (aka Fertility Awareness Method) for quite a while, once I gave up on hormonal birth control (which didn’t do anything positive for my cramping, and probably didn’t help my libido). I don’t chart, I just know when I’m getting fertile, and then we play it safe with condoms. I’m conservative with my timing, because although I’d be happy to be pregnant, it’s not the best time for my health because of other issues. If I charted, we could have sex more often without condoms. There was a chance I was fertile one time, but I knew it, and I did get pregnant, so I’ve been chasing my twins (runs in my family) since then; but it was a chance we willingly took, we were ready to be parents.
BUT, FAM is great for a free and hormone-free method! And it doesn’t take much to get the hang of it, even if you have trouble knowing your feelings and emotions the rest of the time. ;-) To get the hang of it, I did it for a couple of months while still on the pill, so I could see how my body changes, and then was careful the first two months of non-BC use.
I have a friend who has been using Lily to get pregnant, she really likes that app.
Might have to check into the copper IUD when we’re done having kids if I can’t get my hubby to get a vasectomy…always good to know about my options!
Thank you Siobhan and Alexandra for starting this conversation, and thank you everyone for sharing. It has been enlightening!
Here’s my situation: Trying to decide whether or not to go off the pill…
Pros to going off: No more hormones
Increased libido (hopefully)
Pros to staying on: No baby
Fewer and easier periods (horrible cramps before the pill)
Scared of effects of going off, such as acne
I’ve had no problems with the pill. Been taking it for about 8 years. Not ready for a baby yet, maybe in another couple years.
Any advice?
I’ve been sexually active for 3 years and have used condoms up till this past week, when I started taking birthcontrol. So far so good. I prefer idea of taking the pill because condoms can break and can be uncomfortable. Birthcontrol doesnt mess with your experience and can be used as an extra protective method.
This is one area I haven’t gone all natural or mostly natural, since my schedule changes the pill is a hassle but I don’t want an IUD that lasts 5-10 years so, Nuvaring for me, I can pick up a years supply in one day and I only have to change it out once a month.
I took the pill from 18 to 21 and 24 to 29: i quit in July 2011. I had horrible and superviolent mood swings, and i knew it had something to do with the pills. so, i chose non-hormonal copper-only iud for birth control and i totally love it. i’ve always been cool with my menstruation, and i actually enjoy bleeding more than before, when i was on the pill (weirdo, i know)
I’d say the only con is some mild cramps on the 1st and 2nd day, and that’s all.
pms is hard to notice… with the pills, i’d suffer physically and psychologically for about ten days (and i mean retaining lots of liquid, quitting job, figth seriuosly with some friend and trying to divorce- i have anxiety and depression issues, and they used to get really worse at pms, even though i took my therapy and medicines seriuosly)
Now, with the copper iud i have 2 or 3 days with mediocre sleep- and that’s all
libido just like when i was 16 :)
Creighton Fertility Care methods of Natural Family Planning. Chart my cycles, abstain during fertile time, then sex without any barrier methods the rest of the month. The awesome part is that we can use the same methods to achieve a pregnancy when we are ready. This method is ideal for married couples since it takes two committed people to work effectively (as both need to be educated and on board with it…it is so easy to learn though and so worth it!) It enhances the relationship on every level by making sex a mutual decision that both people go into…eyes wide open. It causes the couple to have regular discussions about the relationship and openness to children. It’s totally natural sex.
As a woman I feel respected by my husband and we have an appreciation for my fertility, rather than treating it like a disease to be cured with Pills or like something we have to protect ourselves against with the use of condoms or other barrier methods :)
I Have also used NaproTechnology (which is the women’s health arm of Creighton) to treat my PMS symptoms with NATURAL progesterone in the third phase of my cycle, that way I still ovulate…working with my body instead of against it. It is also a totally natural way to identify infertility and treat it!
As you can tell I LOVE NFP!
The best, healthiest and most natural thing to prevent pregnancy before marriage is to wait. It will be better for your heart, better for you fertility (exposure to STDs, hormonal BC etc), and better for your future relationships.
ps. Creighton fertility model and other modern method of NFP are NOT the rhythm method! I don’t count days, I chart my actual cycle, which can be different month to month (one reason why the rhythm method does not work real well)
I’ve used a number of different hormonal birth control methods: Depo shots, various and sundry pills, the patch, the ring – all of which made me feel more than just a little crazy-town and killed my libido – and I’ve also had both kinds of IUDs. Unfortunately, after about 3 years of loving my copper IUD and having no problems, I started to get terrible cramps with my period. I hoped they would go away, but they got continually worse until I was in so much pain every month that I had it removed at about the four year mark. I had never had cramps with my period before having the IUD put in, and I probably wouldn’t recommend the copper IUD to anyone who already suffers from cramping, since it seems to make it worse for everyone I’ve talked to.
I currently have a Mirena IUD, which I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. I don’t ever get my period, which admittedly kinda skeeves me out, but I’ve been using MIrena for about six years now, and I’ve never had any negative side effects (note: they last five years – I’m on my second one).
I’ve been on the pill for 12 years (now Marvelon, before Alesse and then Tricyclen). I haven’t had side effects with any of them (except maybe dryer skin), and I never forget to take it. If that’s an issue, I recommend taking it with your morning coffee, when do you ever forget to drink your coffee? I know the pill is being vilified as being unnatural but I think that there are serious advantages to taking it. As a vegetarian and very active woman, I like skipping my period to get them about 4 times a year, which helps reduce the loss of iron. I also find getting so many periods is in itself unnatural. Women used to have many more pregnancies before the development of contraception, and thus fewer periods…
IMO all fertility planning and calendar methods are better used to try to get pregnant; I simply don’t trust them. I also hate condoms (yeast infections anyone?) and do not trust them because they break (mind you I used both the pill and condoms before being in a committed long-term relationship, as both pregnancy and STIs are things I am desperately trying to avoid). A cervical biopsy left me crying in a ball for two weeks because of the emotional trauma, so I say NO to IUD insertions for myself. I’m sticking with me pill for now. I’ve got a Diva cup though so that makes me a little greener I guess…
I use Levlen ED and have done for years. I was actually reading today about how this pill can cause extreme mood swings, anger issues and headaches. I can’t remember the website to share it with you. I’ve been suffering for all of these for years and thought it was caffeine or my diet not the pill that caused these side effects! I’m looking at going off this pill and looking at noriday or norgeston. I found a website that sells them online in the UK and looking to order them and change the pill. I don’t think I want to try the IUD as I’ve too many friends try it and were unhappy with it. Has anyone bought the pill online? If so do you know this website? http://www.loxdoc.com/noriday/ Also if anyone has feedback on noriday or norgeston i would appreciate it. Thanks :)