Managing Stress: Do You Disconnect from Your Phone? (Part 1)
Last week my phone died. For the astroheads in the audience, let me tell you, it was classic Mercury retrograde: I was on a work trip to San Francisco, and the little metal bit inside my Blackberry that “receives” the charge pretty much snaps. I can’t find an external battery charger (they no longer exist, even chez Radio Shack), the Apple store has no iPhones for my network that day, and nobody in the office has a Blackberry battery (because I kind of work for a tech company, and I’m kinda the oldest person there, ergo they all have iPhones).
Long story short, I end up phoneless for a few days. It’s a small disaster, because I don’t receive an important UPS shipment, but I survive. Also, I love it.
A few days without a phone feels like a hall pass. Nobody knows where I am! Free woman. No point being anxious. Of course, the idea that I’m somehow being tracked by anyone is a fabrication of my own making, but it’s an illusion that a lot of us live with in our current state of constant contact. In his amazing book, Spontaneous Happiness, Dr. Andrew Weil postulates that modern technology and the way we communicate with each other through it, plays a big part in the dramatic rise in depression (and other types of anxiety disorders too). The short of it being that our brains have not actually evolved to handle the current onslaught of (often useless) information. While many people pride themselves on multitasking, apparently that’s an illusion too: The old noggin has only evolved to do one thing at a time, so we essentially jump from one task to the other and back again creating, among other things, a kind of mental (emotional, psychic) burnout.
There’s definitely more to it than that, and you should all read the book, but it certainly makes one consider that spending less time with your smart phone, would be a very smart idea indeed.
I now have an iPhone. (Sorry, this really is not supposed to sound like an ad—for the record, I don’t care so much what kind of phone I have, but it’s become necessary for work. And OK, I felt a little peer pressure.) My favorite thing about this new device is not that I can ask it questions or write emails without typing. For whatever reason (or whatever preference setting I haven’t figured out) it does not alert me every time I get a new text or email (or tweet of FB message). It only updates when I actually pick up the thing and touch it. While I thought I would hate living without that little blinking red light alert of my previous gadget, I’ve come to realize that this is a HUGE blessing. For starters, I’m not distracted every two seconds. I’m less grabby with my phone. I’m also probably less rude when I’m with people.
On occasion I have experimented with actually shutting my phone down, which I think is a great idea. But I also realize that that in itself can cause added stress. So with this new phone, I’m trying to build a new and healthier relationship. You know, better boundaries. We’re less attached to each other. I leave it in the other room often. I don’t ever sleep with it by my bed unless I have an early flight to catch. And while it’s really good at surfing the web, I generally don’t need to do that when I’m not on my computer.
It makes me a bit depressed (and anxious) just to think about how distracted we all are, and how we’re losing our capacity for spontaneous connections out in the world because we’re so deep in our private tech bubbles. I’m as guilty as the next person, which is why I want to make a concerted effort to use my phone only in the ways that serve me best.
How attached are you to your gadget? And do you ever take a timeout?
P.S. Stress is just one of many reasons to create some better boundaries with our phones, more to come in Part 2.
Great post! And welcome to the cult, Alexandra : )
I’ve had an iPhone since the original came out. I LOVE it. Truly, I do. It makes me less stressed to have it. It wakes me up on time in the morning, and tells me quietly and pleasantly when it’s time to be done meditating. I can set it to provide me with as much info as I feel like having. For example, I can have it not pick up my work e-mails, but still my personal ones, if I need a break. I have my calendar, synced to my computer, with me always, so I’m not worried about missing a meeting for work or my kid’s hockey game. I always know where my son is because he can text me from his iPhone. I resisted getting my kid a phone, but this year when he went to middle school and walks home alone to an empty house a few days a week I felt it was necessary for my peace of mind. My phone has all my music, which is great for exercising or relaxing. I can listen to my favorite podcasts too, which I often do when on my way in or out of work. Or read my favorite blogs when I’m traveling as a passenger ; )
I do think that sometimes I need to put down my tech stuff and just be outside, be quiet, or whatever. So I make an effort when I think I’ve been spending unnecessary time with it. But it’s as stressful as you make it. You can use technology in fun, practical, relaxing ways if you choose to.
I love this post. I love my new iphone too but here’s one thing that irks me: the alarm doesnt turn the phone one, meaning you have to keep it on at night! such a bummer to do that, even though airplane mode is awesome.
One of the things I love most about yoga, weirdly, is two hours away from my phone. I used to do this thing where I’d plan a day on the weekend where I’d leave my phone at home. It’s super uncomfortable at first, but you get used to it! I should probably try that again….
I am a proud new owner of the iPhone – my first ever and I now totally understand the enthusiasm with which iPhone owners described their gadgets. I LOVE IT!!! But it’s not so much the phone function, it’s the fact that everything is in my hot little hand whenever and wherever. I synched my Kindle to the phone, I have my iTunes, iBooks, Netflix, games, my work e-mail, Facebook… All in one tiny little toy. It’s funny, I am super good at not feverishly checking my work e-mail on the iPhone (I hope my boss doesn’t read this) whereas with my Blackberry I was a lot like Alex and the blinking light was totally in control of me – I also think I’m much better company now that I’ve switched. I am much more relaxed about a lot of things now, as I can just check directions and stuff on the internet, there are tons of great free apps and I can wander around the city with vague or no plans knowing that tons of information is accessible at a moment’s notice. I can order that gift on Amazon on the way back from brunch. I can order groceries from Fresh Direct while waiting to board the plane to go back home. I feel less stress about remembering to do the little things because I can take 2 minutes and just cross them off my list right away, which leaves me so much more relaxed and ready to focus on whatever is going on right then, instead. I think because of all the other things I can do on the iPhone I don’t see it as much as a phone, like I don’t feel a slave to read a text message or e-mail the minute I see the little red count of unopened items, they’re just things I’ll get to when I’m done my game of Plants v Zombies… :)
I made the decision to \disconnect\ many years ago. I check my e-mail, when I begin my day, again around 11:00 a.m. and once more at 3:00 p.m. I turn my phone off during meals and at the end of the actual day, but stop receiving business related calls at the end of the business day; these calls go straight to voicemail, with a message that states my office hours. As much as we appreciate technology, it should not run our lives, we should run the technology. A lot of people think this is odd, but I can honestly say that I’ve never complained about being stressed out because of technology. Never.
Before I was self-employed, I once had an employer offer to purchase a cell phone for me and pay for my plan. When I asked him why he would do this, he explained that it would ensure that I would always be available (before and after hours and at lunch). I told him, very graciously of course, that I appreciated the offer, but I would never have that cell phone on before or after hours nor during lunch, so he would be wasting his money on me. In other words, an employer-paid cell phone and plan are not perks, they are enslavement tools, for lack of a better term, and rather cheap ones at that.
We cannot fit anything more than a basic plan & text msgs into our budget. There are days that I lust after what feels like EVERYBODY else has, but I can usually talk myself down and remember to be thankful that I don’t have this huge distraction hanging out in my purse at all times.
If I did not have my kids, I would leave this phone at home nine times out of ten. I love it for being able to get emergency calls or make them, but I really do hate being available 24/7.
I was driving home this morning from taking the girls to school. Listening to a band that I first got to see in ‘99 & had an amazing moment where I remembered how I just used to drive all around town and do whatever – go to college, hang out with friends etc – and none of us had phones! I really liked it like that.
But at this very moment, I am taking a call from my husband who is at the grocery store asking me what kind of ice cream I want. Heck, if all the phone calls were about ice cream or other such treats, I think I’d have a lot of love for all this cell phonery!!
I do appreciate my cyborgian iPhone…I do. However, I am delighted to say that I am headed to a zone for the next two weeks where I will have absolutely no signal for my phone. Fabulous. Excellent. Free. Mildly frightened.
I have a regular old phone, with no special features, other than texting. I do text at least once a day, but that’s just checking in with my sister. Other than that, some calls I get that are work related, but other than that, I’m not attached to my phone. Well, I do need it so I can see what time it is though, and I check the time a lot during the day.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have a smartphone. If I had a smartphone, I’m sure I would use it a lot more. But I like being a person who, right now, doesn’t need it with me all the time.
Checking email, surfing the web…for me, it can wait until I get home.
I love my iPhone but I often leave it home when I’m out or turn it off for long periods of time…freedom, sweet freedom.
I, too, love my iphone, but I also love my time without it. I have a lake house in a remote part of the Northern Maine woods, with no electricity or running water. When I first got the place, it didn’t get cell service- you were truly cut off from the outside world. Now, I can get a little service there, which I HATE… so when I go there, which I do for a few weeks every summer, I still pretend that there’s no service. I turn the phone off as soon as I get there, and don’t touch it until I’m back across the lake. It’s so amazing how little I miss it.
I’ve turned down two jobs this year–which is saying a lot in this economy–because, among a host of other things, they would have required me to get a Blackberry and to be on call. The people I met in these offices were some of the most frazzled people I’ve ever known. The pressure to react immediately had done some serious psychological damage on them. I feel so lucky that I had the option to reject that for my own life.
On the other hand…I just acquired an iPhone myself. And I love that it allows me to stay connected, and to respond immediately, to the people that I I choose. When I am working on projects that I want to be engaged in–like my band–then I love being tuned in at all times. But I do find myself starting to become a bit addicted, so I might have to start employing some of the separation techniques mentioned above. It’s a slippery slope!
I was fighting the smart-phone thing for SO long until Summer ‘10 I had to cave. I mean literally HAD to. We have one service provider (Bell) and I wanted a phone with a qwrty keyboard (legit, real buttons and all) because I HATE a touch screen and all I do is text. That left me with smart phones :S
I was fighting iphones even longer, and still am not too keen on the touch-screen-keyboard but as soon as I can afford one, or get an upgrade rebate from Bell, I’m caving and getting an iphone. Know why? Siri. Ya. I want to talk to a computer all day apparently :S lol (Really, I just want a personal assistant, lol….)
Anyway! I digress, I work at a computer 40 hours a week and am slightly addicted to FB so am on my computer at home every 1/2 hour for 2 mins at a time. The LAST thing I need is internet on the go but….I have it anyway. Barely use it but I think if I had a faster phone I might use it more.
It’s hard not to have your phone glued to your hip when it’s your home-phone as well but I at least don’t carry it from room-to-room anymore….
MORE to the point (lol), we went camping last summer, and a weekend in Atlin, BC (no cell service) the summer before and at times like that I have NO CHOICE but to be unreachable. I LOVE IT.
I actually think it’s imperative in today’s society to disconnect for at least a day at a time (16ish hour day, not 24 if that’s less daunting :P)
haha this post cracked me up!
My family is lucky enough to have a tiny cottage in Cape Cod with no internet service, TV or landline (which before the cell phone age meant no telephone) and those weeks and weekends we spend there are the best. I am much less stress free and distracted, I sleep well and spent all day outdoors, biking and at the beach or reading on our hammock outside. Taking just a weekend or even a week sans electronics is a godsend and I highly recommend it.