What’s Your Biggest Source of Stress?
Because we’re getting ready to start tackling stress here in earnest—as Alexandra mentioned yesterday—we’d like to know: What stresses you out most? This will help us brainstorm ways to talk about this. If, for instance, your biggest source of stress is your boyfriend or girlfriend, or your job, or your finances, that’ll help us focus on what kind of practical stress-busters we might explore. Because the stress series is not going to be about doling out tips about how to deal with your 401(k) or your deadbeat husband. Sorry ’bout that.
Alrighty then. Have at it: What stresses you the eff out?
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My finances for sure. In december my boyfriend and I will live together and I’m fixing a lot of things here in my house, buying new furniture…and everything needs money.
My biggest stress comes from my job. I don’t enjoy it, and it doesn’t align with my values, or fuel any sort of passion in my life. That being said, my finances (also a stress) don’t allow me to go after my passion in life, as they’re not sufficient… ugh, stressful!
Work. Deadlines at work. Negative feedback at work.
Right now, in order:
Divorce/Custody issues in progress
Baby # 2 due in March
Carless and see above
Finances and fixing the above
Sick Parent
Mom I can deal with a little by sending care packages. The rest, I can plan for and feel a little better about it until I start thinking about it again!
Everything gets shelved during meditations – except the baby on the way. She hasn’t learned that “ohm” means “be still.” But during that time frame, I try to just enjoy the sensation for what it is. Signs of life!
Knowing that I have to get things done while I really don’t feel like it. And knowing that I won’t be able to do it all, because I’m too good at distracting myself.
I go to University, study a lot, walk a lot, cook, sleep for less hours (except on the weekends) and spend less time taking care of my skin. I get stressful everyday. I do breakout (but I’m not sure if its due to stress). If there was one way I can handle all this without stress then please let me know :)
Would Aromatherapy rolls work? I have never tried it. Please do let me know which aromatherapy would be better if you recommend using it because there are so many of them plus I’ve never tried one.
Super busy at work – the sheer volume of tasks is ovewhelming. Also, going to school at night and planning a wedding. I feel like I need organization, but I lack the skills (especially at work) to manage my workflow effectively.
Definitely school as I’m still in it! I feel lucky not to have the same amount of stress as some of the others above. Good luck to you! I’m going to get myself the Lotus Wei minis for Christmas to aid in destressing :)
Pressures and expectation from my job.
Finances
The future
WORRY that I will ultimately fail.
Worry is usually my biggest stressor
Looking forward to reading all you have to say!
My husband I moved to NYC about three months ago so that he could attend graduate school. We thought I’d have found a good job by now, but no such luck. Instead I work very part time as a host, not ideal at all. So, finances and unemployment are my biggest stressors at the moment.
I am my own biggest source of stress. I have the usual stresses (work, relationships, keeping within a budget) but honestly it’s the unrealistic expectation I place on myself to never make a mistake or to over-analyse each mistake as if it will potentially bring about the end of the world or it makes me a bad person that knocks me over the edge. When I can manage perspective and forgiveness I can usually manage to keep my stress at a more reasonable level. My challenge is to nip these horrible feelings in the bud right away, because sleep is the first thing that goes and then it’s just a vicious cycle whereby I am sleep-deprived and therefore less able to think / behave rationally.
Another tally for the “work” column! My boss and I have very different communication styles, so I am never sure exactly where I stand. Add to that that I’m a chronic perfectionist with work things and that the company is expanding quickly, and I’m always certain I’m totally screwing things up.
My career – The lack of control I have over it – The fact that I am ready for it to rocket straight into the stratosphere, yet it wants to progress at snail’s pace. Those frustrations send me into emotional down spirals and stress me out in a serious way. Meditation has helped immensely! I mean, I’ve noticed a HUGE shift in how I feel on a day to day basis both physically and emotionally. New tricks and tips that relate to dealing with stress are ALWAYS welcome!! Looking forward to it :)
Finances probably more than anything. I wish I could say that isn’t the case, but with the cost of living rising it is definitely stressful.
I used to have a lot more stress in my life and completely relate to what everyone has posted so far, (especially the divoce custody issue – with the exception of illnesses in the family, NOTHING is more stressful).
Today, my biggest stress is one particular client that I have. She is completely incompetent and unaccountable. It is very difficult to deal with her, because she is very defensive about her mistakes and (because she is unaccountable) takes no responsibility for her mistakes and spends a lot of time with nonsensical explanations and, of course, blaming, blaming, blaming. That and she is a mean-spirited person. Oh yeah, there’s that. It is not necesssarily completely stressful, but more like exhausting and frustrating. I absolutely dread seeing her monthly. And getting the proper information from her to prepare for my appointment is like pulling teeth. I’ve accepted that this isn’t going to change, but it still feels lousy. Plus, I know she can sense that I have utter disdain for her and don’t respect her. I’m sorry if this sounds trivial, but I took inventory and cleaned up the stresses in my life quite some time ago. Only my priorities remain. Everything else had to go.
Health! I have recently been diagnosed with serious condition which requires an intensive treatment which will likely make things worse before they get better. And may last for a year or more, ugh. I, of course, share many of the worries of other commentors – but they’re right when they say \you don’t have anything if you don’t have your health\ so now I have all the worry of putting myself first and taking care of my health: without going bankrupt, failing at work, not being present in my marriage, or abandoning my social life.
Go to a Liberal Arts School where the academics are kicking my ass! I’ve always been a good student, get here and things are changing. I just want to sing and act but I have to deal with my academics I know it’s such an important part but it’s driving me crazy!!! And dorm life does not allow much help for doing vigorous skin care routines…though I am moving off campus maybe that will help?
As a pisces, I tend to take on everyone else’s problems, so when someone I care about is hurting, it gets me really bummed/stressed out.
I have an anxiety disorder, and it all-too-often manifests itself in freaking out about health issues. I am most afraid, and have been since I was a little girl, of the 10-million ways my body could fail me. That’s enough worry material to keep me riding high on stress for years.
Oh Dana, I hear you on that. I’m a pisces too and it’s a bit of an achilles heal for our sign. I try to remember that I’m not actually helping the person by taking on their pain. There’s a saying that’s become a bit of a mantra for me: “We all have to row with the oars we’re given.” I try to think of that when I catch myself feeling someone else’s hurt instead of reflecting back positive energy to them.
I have 10 year old identical twin girls & one of them has Cerebral Palsy. She is capable in that she can do most everything except walk. She does not necessarily stress me out, but alllllllllllll the advice and things we are “supposed” to do EVERY DAY (yeah right) really get to me. We have therapy 2x a week & she has 4 different therapies ( OT, PT, Speech, and Eye) and everybody gives us homework on top of her regular school homework. I just want to say SHUT UP sometimes. And I feel like we have been doing this for 10 years solid now. I feel like if I could break free of the therapies, I could actually help her do all of her stretching that we are supposed to be doing but can never manage to do since we are always at therapy!!
Sheesh, that was a lot to unload.
I’m stressed out that I’ve lost much of my ability to appreciate what I have. I had worked really hard to change my circumstances in life, gained a lot, and then lost a lot with the bad economy (like so many others!). I had worked to be in a place where I was constantly appreciating everything I had, even as I was losing things (material and otherwise). Then I guess I hit a tipping point, when I came to realize as an adult how effed up my upbringing really was. Now I feel like I’m coming at everything from a feeling of deprivation. I can intellectually acknowledge that I’m very lucky and have many gifts from the universe – but I feel deprived of basic things I need: security, love, blah blah blah. I can read the comments and think, wow, I’m lucky not to have those problems. But I still haven’t been able to pull myself out of my landing spot from my downward spiral. I have all the normal stresses like relationship issues, work stress (though I love my job), all of which I handled just fine previously. Yoga and other exercise help, and I’ve been working more at aromatherapy and tried a little meditation. Fresh ideas welcome!
Work full time, school full time, maintaining my relationship & friendships… rinse, repeat.
My stress has been pretty recession-based for the past year. I work in an industry that’s not doing too well, so I have to settle for a job that’s not great just because it’s a job. My boyfriend’s not where he wants to be career-wise either, so our relationship has been sometimes long-distance, sometimes not.
Finishing up college, making enough money to get out of debt and move out of my parent’s house/take on my own bills AND get married to my fiance (we are less than a month from our 7 year dating anniversary) in a timely manner, my dad’s poor health and hefty work schedule, my sister’s dirtbag ex-husband and the stress that he brings my sister and mom. ~Sigh~
Life – it never ends. =)
Balancing full-time work with difficult classes at school, as well as balancing my budget to be able to afford my schooling & everything else. But mostly lately, I worry that I’m working so hard all the time that life is passing me by.
Money, career, kids on my caseload, navigating my relationship with my parents, navigating my relationship with my extended family, making and maintaining friendships, dating, the weddings I am in or attending in the next year, keeping the house presentable, managing my mental illness, managing my physical health… BLAH.
Christina, I can feel your pain. I’m fortunate to have a healthy child, but I still know your pain from other events in my life. And I know how you feel about wanting to break free from the therapies! If it’s possible, talk with a naturopath and see if some complementary therapies that you can do at home will help reduce the frequencies of the traditional therapies. Perhaps even try to take a “winter break” or a “spring break,” a week or so once a season where you keep doing what you’re supposed to at home, but just enjoy a break from the offices. It can make a difference! Not saying you’ll see any super improvements in her condition, but part of a long term condition is keeping up your spirits. Hers too! I wish you and your family the best!
TIME MANAGEMENT. Or lack thereof. The more I try to control it, the worse it becomes. The very worst of it is that I fail to prioritize self-care, as in enjoyable activities, exercise, leisure, FUN, relaxation, etc. Every weekend I feel like I set impossible goals (the to-do list is not realistic), and yet I can’t stop it! I’m terrible at it. Ladies, you can yell at me, as I have a three day weekend and STILL manage time DIS-management. HOWEVER, I do not have the time during the week to tackle the list, as I’m a heavy commuter. What frustration!! Never enough time….
Work, marriage, family, aging…..and the constant, unending bickering/fighting between my twin boys (that is like nails on a chalkboard).
I know this is a random one, but I am a 27 year old sober woman living in a sober relationship with my (also sober) partner. Living a clean lifestyle takes on a whole other meaning in the sober realm. That being said, it’s a blessing to walk through life dealing with my emotions and feelings, but sometimes I feel more tense because I no longer have the familiar vices I grew to depend on.
I also think that the most stress inducing thing I deal with on a daily basis is the realization that I am now an adult. Not an in between adult but a REAL adult. Bills, responsibility in every essence of the word, family, aghhh!!! I just all gets a little over shelling at times. Being an adult can be a little overwhelming.
Time management is my biggest source of stress. Too much to do, too little time. Both in work and in my personal life. Though the worst stress comes when a family member becomes very ill and I am on the other side of the world and can’t do anything about it unless it becomes necessary that I go.
Number 1: Living at home with my parents. They live unhealthy lives (I’m vegan, aspiring raw foodie) and we disagree on a lot beyond food.
Number 2: Like others my job is a constant source of stress. I don’t enjoy the work I do because I don’t see the value/impact of it. The environment is also unhealthy in terms of eating, exercise etc. Finally, long hours are expected and is hard to manage with a 3 hours daily commute so i’m generally sleep deprived and skip meals because i get home so late. bad!!!
Number 3: Finances. I graduated university with student loans and had to buy a car recently for work. Add to that my transportation costs for public transit is ridiculous so it makes saving up to move out or switch jobs quite hard to do.
It sounds selfish to say it out loud, but not ever getting a break stresses me out. I have two babies (2 year old and a 4 month old) and my husband works a lot so I solo parent them most of the time. BEFORE and AFTER I work my 8-5 full time job. 48 hours in a weekend is never enough time to get all of the domestics done and relax. Not to mention I would love to spend more time with my babies, but we also have to eat and have clean clothes. I know, I know, first world problems…
Meditation and staying present are really supposed to help. Before the heavy groaning starts, I am the first to admit that my mind wanders constantly when meditating and I am not very good with staying in the present. One of our worst stresses that we have is in negative self-talk and catastraphising. If meditation and staying present prevent you from even two minutes of negative self-talk a day, then you are giving yourself a much deserved breatk. People who meditate develop a certain portion of the brain that promotes peace/ease/well-being and prevents daydreaming, which is where we can really get into trouble: rehashing and ruminating over things that have already happened, or even worse, what may or may not happen. But like I said, much easier said than done.
My morning commute. I live and work on opposite ends of Ottawa and don’t own a car. I find the bus very stressful: the waiting, the people, the transfers. I’ve been trying to keep zen about it, but I’m very close to my limit.
I think the thing that is stressing me out the most lately is feeling guilty. I have a full time job, while many are out of work but it’s a struggle every day to get up and go. I’m at work 45 hours a week with a 3 hour a day commute and am basically away from my home 12 hours a day. I have to wake up extraordinarily early and can never go to bed early enough to get more than 5 or 6 hours of sleep a night. I work in an industry that I am interested in but my every day is very uninspiring. I am 27 and living at home and just started paying what little rent I can afford ($200 a month). I’m not making enough to be able to truly help my family out and this makes me feel terrible as I am now “officially an adult”. I went to college and am nicely loaded down with debt that is going to take me at least 15 years to pay off. The economic downturn has left me disillusioned by my old goal of attaining a PhD in psychology and I am now trying to figure out what I “want” to do vs. what I “have to do”.
Yo, peeps, what is the point of this post? It comes across as a massive angry beeeyotchfest:( It’s Thanksgiving week, how about trying for some gratitude for what you do have in your life?
I’m in college so…yeah college is definitely my main stress-pit. I also have a whole host of self-esteem and relationship issues that cause me more stress than I would like to admit.
Comagirl, I did not know that. Even more incentive! Thanks for sharing that!
GennaG: I’ve been there! Well, Denver, but a four hour round trip still. I’m guessing you’ve already got an iPod or other mp3 player, magazines or books, etc? Try loading the mp3 player with something similar to meditation music, set a timer on your phone, and go to your special place for a while. If you don’t have anything like that or want something new, check out the awesome sounds from soundsleeping.com. Specific tonal qualities of their music can promote deeper relaxation, or sleep, or other good feelings. Some days, I could get there for a while, some days I couldn’t. The days I could were better, and came more frequently as I kept at it. Other than that, I just had to develop a thicker skin to deal with strangers. Apparently, I look like the kind of person everyone can tell all their problems to. :(
Lauren, sometimes just venting helps. Reviewing other folks’ problems reminds me what good I DO have going for me. I do get to see my healthy, smart, wonderful son on a daily basis, I am carrying a healthy (as far as we can tell) baby, and I am extremely fortunate to be able to stay home with my family. As stressy as that can be, I don’t have to deal with external stresses from work, and all my stress stays “in house” so to speak.
I’ve seen a handful of us exchange sympathies, tips, advices, resources, etc. Knowing we aren’t alone in our problems can alleviate stress all by itself. At least a little, sometimes. Better than nothing!
Also, if I’m not mistaken, we were going to essentially poll the results and find the biggest triggers, and then perhaps discuss healthy ways to deal with them. But before you can plant seeds, you have to dig up the dirt.
If I am mistaken… my bad!
@Steffie, I totally agree with your take on the point of the post. And thanksgiving week is a perfect time to get into what’s bugging us so we can heal and come to a place of gratitude.
Work and unknowns regarding the future.
Landed what I thought was a decent job right after college in the field that I studied only to work 65 hour work weeks without overtime pay and a boss that’s judgmental about lunch breaks. If I’m handling my job beautifully I have zero time for my health and loved ones.
The weight of trying to navigate what I know is harmful to my health and happiness is stressful.
Definitely need advice on finding a balance.
I’m ready to trade in my commute for yoga. Focus my energy towards being self-employed and having some control.
Easier said than done.
Nursing school. oy vey