Do You Dye Your Grays? If So, Why?
We’ve asked you a a few times if you dye your hair, and it sparked a passionate and interesting discussion, particularly among those of you who dye your hair to cover up grays. Men, we know, have it easy when it comes to graying: They get called a silver fox, and are celebrated for looking even better than they did before the hands of time changed their hair color for good.
Do women get the same treatment? Hells no.
Still, many of you have never dyed your hair (looking at you, mom) and never will. And because famous people are our de facto (and unfortunate) arbiters of beauty norms, it helps that some famous ladies rock their grays. And while I can acknowledge that, beauty ideals being what they are, having gray hair as a women means you’re somehow “braver” than those who do dye, there is something inherently condescending and ass backwards about that.
One of my closest friends has some salt in her pepper and she told me a while back that not infrequently, people will point it out to her as if she hadn’t yet noticed. “Wow! You have a lot of gray in your hair!” Is it an insult? Not at all. But no one would ever say “Wow! You have so many pimples on your face!” because acne is thought of as something a woman can’t do a whole lot about. It’s not your fault you have a bunch of zits, so it would be unkind to point it out. But your hair—whoa, you know you can do something about that, right? Gray hair, then, is viewed as a CHOICE, which makes no sense because it’s actually the result of not choosing—of letting your hair be.
Anyway, we totally understand those who do, and we understand those who don’t. But after a conversation with a coworker friend, who dyes her grays and is particularly interested in what other women have to say about the matter, I thought I’d put it to you:
Do you dye your grays? If you don’t have any yet, do you think you will dye them when you do go gray? And if so why? We really want to know what informs the decision. Is it to look more youthful? Because you think it’s more professional? Because _________. You tell us!
Yes. I dye them because I’m only 30!
I commented on the other hair dye post you did a while ago. I started going gray a few years ago, but they were few enough that I could yank them out. Last summer, I tried dying it myself and it went terribly wrong, so now I just embrace the grays. My attitude now is that I’ve earned every single one and I am proud of them.
I haven’t dyed them yet but they’re really starting to bug me, especially because the texture is so thick and weird and makes them stand out even more!
Yes. I’m 34 and have a 20-month old, a busy job, and a complicated home life. One one hand, I know I am earning my gray hair, but on the other hand, it’s a visible reminder of how worn out I feel. So I dye it at home every few months.
I’m 38 and I have been dyeing my gray hair since my late 20s, strictly because I was/am self-conscious about it . I really want to stop coloring my hair and my husband has been encouraging me to stop for years. If I had Emmy Lou Harris’ beautiful locks, I would be more inclined.
I just found out I am pregnant, and now I am in a real quandary. I refuse to color my hair while pregnant so at the moment I have a lovely gray strip which looks awful. I bought some henna dye but have yet to brave the process.
I’m only 22 so no gray hair yet, but my mom is 60 and recently went all-gray. She’d always dyed her hair but after she had chemo she let it grow in naturally, and now she has this amazing silver pixie cut. It looks so funky and fabulous and people have asked her if she dyed it to look like that, which she always gets a kick out of. She felt okay embracing the gray once I told her that Lady GaGa had dyed her hair gray!
I am almost 28 and have a handful of SILVER strands coming in above my ears. I pluck them from time to time and do indeed freak out about them. I know a lot of women who just let ‘em come in–and some day I absolutely will (say 45 – 50), but right now, no please. Palettes of Nature (I think that’s the name) has a truly natural, apparently effective hair dye system for home use. I am definitely going to try it when the plucking method no longer works.
My mother dyed her hair dark for years and years. Last year, at 59, she went through chemo, lost all of her luscious brown hair and made a decision to let it come in silver after treatment. She looks better than ever, I kid you not! Hip, chic and trendy–and everyone on earth comments on how great her hair is. If I can look like THAT, than I will have no problems going gray when the time is right (which it isn’t right now!!).
Can I also just say that blonds have it way easier in terms of graying?
@Katy, go to http://www.natureofbeauty.com and check out the natural hair dyes they stock. You can also read Terri Bly’s review on the NOB blog.
@Alyssa, that’s so funny–everyone asks my mother if her hair is dyed silver too!
So interesting (and sad) that we already have two chemo stories. I’ve seen hair do wild things after chemo—grow in a completely different color or texture, and I have watched people I love totally embrace the change. It’s an interesting thing no one talks about….
I still dye my hair because I look so tired with the grey right now and I love the way it looks and feels after it has been done. I have dark hair and the gray really stands out. I also love going to my stylist so the extra time is pure good therapy time for me. It is hard to explain but we have a blast. I will probably let it go grey in the next five years but right now I need the extra boost it gives me. It is the only chemical thing that I still do.
Saw Jamie at a charity luncheon this weekend and she really rocks the grey look.
Glad to read the other posts on this.
I don’t dye mine- I love them! I’m in my early 30’s and have sprinkles of gray in there with the brown. I like to think of it as my hair tinsel.
I don’t have any grays yet, and I always said I wouldn’t dye them when I do. However, I think it would depend on how old I was. If I did dye my hair to cover grays, it would be to look more youthful.
I am also only 22, so haven’t started graying yet. My mom, on the other hand, is 53, and also hasn’t started graying yet, and my dad is 58 and has a salt and pepper beard, when he lets it grow in, but hardly any gray hair on his head. So I’m thinking I probably won’t have to think about it for quite some time. If I take after my parents, I think I’ll be ok with starting to go gray in my 50s or 60s.
I don’t have grays yet (I’m a teen), but my mom has been gray for years–she’s 53. She’s had quite a few compliments on it, actually. And I think it looks good on her. She always says she can’t stand seeing women who have grey roots, when it is obvious they dye their hair. I’m surprised how many women who dye actually let their grey roots show so much. My mom and I agree natural usually looks best, and well…most natural. Personally, I think I’ll use henna to dye my grays when I’m older. At least until I’m about 50.
Yes, I dye my greys. I have never had anyone encourage me not to, in fact it has been just the opposite, specifically because I have young looking skin/face and have been told that the greys will age me terribly and most reluctantly tend to agree. I know a few people who have bravely stopped coloring and they do look 10-15 years older, tired, haggard and like they’ve let themselves go and perhaps they have.
Incidentally, dying is the only thing that Jamie Lee Curtis hasn’t done. In an LA Times Magazine article from several years back she unabashedly disclosed her love of botox and other cosmetic treatments, surgery, etc. Perhaps she is not such a good icon for “going natural”. I love her and appreciate her honesty – I think her intent at the time was to show how all of it is a personal choice and to quash her image as Ms. Natural just because she had the greys.
My bangs are white. I let the color grow out for almost a year, but I just could not take it anymore & last month, I dyed my hair. I’m 29. My 60-year-old mother’s hair is all over pure white. It is really pretty, and she receives a ton of compliments. But I was having a hard time looking so much like her since we unfortunately do not have the best relationship with one another. I think I could have kept it grey if it didn’t bring up all those emotions.
Dying my hair is the only chemical thing I do. It was awesome, though, that my daughters (age 10) both got angry when they saw my hair was dyed. I have been teaching them about chemicals since they were young – I’m glad to see that they really care about what goes onto and into our bodies.
yes, I do, because I am 25!!! If I were blond, I wouldn’t. But with chestnut brown hair, they stick out. I only do it every few months, and I do it at home with Naturtint color, which is quite effective. The white hairs turn a nice blond color and blend in with the natural tones and highlights, rather than stick right out against the brown.
I buy it at my local natural product store, but I think you can find it online too.
http://naturtint.com/ for more info,
I’m 48 and my gray hair first showed up around 5 years ago. It’s a slow growing process but the gray is most prevalent at the top of my head and around my face. And yes I dye them — red. Here’s the thing, even if I didn’t have gray hair I would still dye my dark brown hair – red – because I’ve always liked/wanted red hair. In fact I first dyed my hair red in college when I had no gray. My husband and niece have encouraged me to embrace the gray and I have, I treat it just like the rest of the hair on my head and dye it red! As with another poster it’s the only chemical process I do to my hair after years of relaxers.
If I get any I don’t plan on dying them. My mother is 65 and a few greyish hairs grew in this year. My grandmother’s hair never really went grey, it changed to a slightly more sandy colour but not grey. My father is 65 and barely has a grey hair. I quite like grey hair and would love to look like Emmylou Harris.
My attitude with hair dye is the same as it is with makeup. If they are being used simply to mask the areas that I feel inadequate I force my self to step back and investigate my motivations. However, if they are being used to celebrate and highlight that which I think is fabulous even in its naked form, then amen!
I’m 42 and have had significant grey for 15-20 years. I can’t stand the idea of looking older yet – one day I’ll rock the look of all grey, but somehow the mix of grey and brown I’d have now just looks really gross to me. I did stop my toxic dye though. About a week ago I did my first at-home not-tox color with a mix of henna and indigo dyes. It worked brilliantly, though I still need to tweak my formula and/or process a bit. It was a huge emotional thing for me to let go of my familiar coloring. I’m so glad I can still look the way I want and not do the toxic stuff. To me, the reasons for dying greys are no different from why I use shampoo that makes my hair clean and soft and smell good, or cosmetics on my face – I want to look and feel my best.
I have blonde locks that will eventually turn a gray/white… (not yet, my mom is 53 and just starting to gray) and I cannot wait! I think gray hair is the sexiest most beautiful thing! It shows (hopefully) wisdom and grace that we recieve as a gift for making it thus far. There is a woman that work’s in the store I work in, and has hair down to her lower back. It is gorgeous, and fully striped with gray and white hairs! It is amazing, healthy, and she just looks glowing with it. She can’t be more than 42, either. I wish that more women would love their grays and have fun with it! And, yup, thanks to gaga (bleh) and Pink, gray is IN! And how else can we expand on the “silver fox” to “silver cougar” if we don’t rock it… My boyfriend is 23 as well, and he is starting to gray, and man, it makes me want to have his babies! haha, gray is sparkly, mature, and just plain sexy!
Interesting that all the folks who don’t anticipate going gray anytime soon are looking forward to their first grays…and all of those who are slowly going gray can’t seem to handle it! Grass is always greener? I’d rather stay a brunette :)
I posted on your other grey hair post too, I’m 31, am probably 25% grey (I was a little shocked the other day– saw a pic of the side of my head and went holys***!) and do not dye my hair. I dyed for years, tons of different colors to stand out in a crowd, and ironically now, by not dying, I stand out. I stopped dying bc I didn’t want to HAVE to dye in order to avoid that nasty skunk stripe. My hair’s dark, and people ask if I’ve highlighted it to look this way. BTW, mom just grew her hair out after dying it for 30 odd years, and it’s that pure white– people tell her all the time how beautiful it is. She says she’s PO’d now about all that $$ she spent on hair dye.
I do because I am vain although I am trying hard tocome to terms with them and just let it be :-}. I wash my hair in baking soda and use no product – use sweet almond oil for body lotion and olive oil soap – I dont like dousing myself in chemicals but the covering up of the grey hairs……..that is a tough one for me right now!
I started dying my hair in my early 20s . Several years – and hundreds of chemical dyes later – , my body developed an intolerance to all hair coloring products, except henna. Henna covers grays and does not damages the hair, giving it a beautiful luster and healthy appearance but each application lasts 10 days at the most, which is a hassle.
I’ve thought about going gray but debate about the perception everyone has * guys are great with gray hair but women..not so *, right?
I started going gray at 21 and began coloring regularly at 23ish. Highlights first but those were to hard to keep up with and I really like the color of my own hair. I’m now getting ready to turn 34 and 6 months ago I decided to try and grow out my color. Well, at 33 I had a full halo of gray around my head and with very curly, long dark brown hair, I looked haggard. People I worked with felt the need to point out my curly gray hairs sprouting from my hairline and i was tired of looking tired. Maybe one day I decide to cut it all off and grow it out san color, but for now my color keeps me looking 7-8 years younger than I am.
I am soon to turn 40 and have recently noticed a couple of white hairs. I have never dyed my hair and don’t intend to but I can sympathise with people wanting to dye their hair if they grey early in their 20’s and 30’s. I think women tend to feel comfortable with grey around 50’s on. Once middle aged though, a woman generally looks middle aged regardless of their hair colour and how great their skin is. It’s weird and undefinable, they can look fabulous but you can still tell they are middle aged. I’ve seen women from behind only and they are in terrific shape yet you know they are middle aged before even seeing their face. So why try to retain the illusion of youth through dying hair when your age is apparent anyway? Furthermore, I see women in their 40’s and 50’s at the hairdressers having their hair dyed and the end product always looks unnatural, dry and raspy, it just doesn’t look alive and vibrant, in fact their hair looks thin and like it’s about to all fall out, why pay money for this? If you exercise, eat well and have a positive outlook, beauty shines through no matter what your age.
I started finding silver hairs when I was about 19. Naturally, I found this wholly disconcerting.
I stopped dying my hair right around 21 (I’m 23 now), BECAUSE of the gray. I had enjoyed adding a shimmer or small change to my dark brown hair, but I discovered that the gray did that for me naturally (plus, I knew I didn’t want to spend the next 30 years religiously covering up my hair’s true state).
I think that because I’m so young, people find it particularly striking and unique; I constantly get complimented on it (sometimes just owning up to your imperfections is sexier than not having any). I’m proud that I’ve embraced a small sign of aging at an unusually young age; I’m rather attached to my grays now, and I’m thankful that they’ve taught me a valuable lesson in confidence and aging gracefully.
Yes I used to. I am only 28 but have so many gray/white hairs. I think it’s genetic because my mom started having them at a young age too. But ever since I read your book, I got scared about the hidden toxic ingredients and haven’t been to the salon to get them colored (now my whites are slowly coming out). Maybe you guys should feature an organic all natural dye hair product we can try and use at home:-)
One of my worst vices – I’m in the colorist’s chair every six weeks. I started going grey at 21 and never looked back. Although my once dark brown hair is now so grey, that I’ve decided to go blonde. Guess that’s one perk to being grey young. :)
I dye my hair because I am only 26 and the gray tends to stick out against my dark brown hair. If I even get sick of the dying it with henna, I think I’ll go gray. But I just don’t see that happening in the next ten years. It sounds shallow, but when I am in between dye jobs people assume I am old enough to buy beer and wine, and I don’t like that. I really like to get carded!
But I would totally rock the “Lilly Munster” gray streak if my gray hair would come in like it was natural highlights!
What’s the latest on the dye-cancer link? I’ve heard mixed things, but if there’s any truth to it, maybe women should be encouraged to stop… The Environmental Working Group gives hair dyes a score of 10 (highest level of toxicity). Are they a bunch of wackadoodles, or are they legit? Thoughts, anyone?
Hi Nancy, I’m not sure what type of henna you are using but henna is permanent as a dye (it should fade over time as it’s exposed to the elements, just like untreated hair does).
More power to you if you are going all natural with color, and for those of us who aren’t ready for that, here’s a great resource for those interested in henna for your greys. They give recipes from real women who henna, and you can even call them for advice: http://www.mehandi.com/shop/graybundles/index.html
I’ve had greys appearing since I was about 17, and my sister has had one or two pop up from the age of about 14 – in almost black hair. Unfortunately we seem to have inherited genes from our father’s side of the family. He was almost fully gray by his mid-twenties, as were his five sisters(though with their blonde hair it’s a little easier to hide..). My greys are more like bright white or silver hairs, and I haven’t yet found a natural dye that works. The henna I’ve tried just dyed the rest of my hair, and made the greys brighter and shinier. I’m only 26, and I can still (very unethically..) get train tickets for under 16s, so I feel grey just looks bizarre on me. Maybe later when I have a full head of it rather than patches and scattered single strands I’ll try it natural, but for now.. nope.
Oh my. I think about this every day! Thanks for bringing it up again :)
I just turned 30 and have 5-10% white hair (for now!). The rest of my hair is dark brown, so they’re definitely noticeable. What your friend said is so true; people will actually touch my hair and say things like ‘ohh, look at all your grey hair!’… as if I would suddenly realize, thank them and run to the salon!
I did dye my hair for a while, but stopped for a few reasons:
- the idea of ‘getting my colour done’ every few weeks for the next 30 years just doesn’t appeal to me,
- it seemed like the obvious next step after eating organic food and using natural (and fewer) beauty products,
- I wanted to see what I looked like naturally.
However, I’m finding I often have to defend my choice, which makes things a bit more difficult. All the women in my family dye their hair religiously and they do not support my decision – it’ll make me look older, I will look pale, my boyfriend won’t like it (he’s the most supportive of all!), it’ll look funny when I have baby – you name it, they have a whole list of reasons! My friends think it’s a phase I’ll outgrow – I will surely come to my senses soon and dye my hair again, right? My hairdresser tells me ‘we have to do to something about those greys – you’re not 60!’.
So every now and then I question my decision to go grey. I didn’t realize it would require so much conviction. I do wish there were a few more women my age I could look at for inspiration… Jamie Lee Curtis is beautiful, but I can’t say that I aspire to look like a fifty-something year-old… even with grey hair!
@Rebecca, the Beauty Brains had a couple of posts about the possible links between hair dyes and cancer. You can read their reports here:
1. http://thebeautybrains.com/2008/03/28/hair-dyes-and-cancer-should-you-be-worried/
2. http://thebeautybrains.com/2007/06/11/cosmetic-safety-will-hair-dye-give-you-cancer/
“Beauty Brains’ bottom line: What you read, see or hear in the mainstream media rarely tells the whole story. When it comes to issues about health and safety you would not be wrong to immediately reject their conclusions. If you want to know the real story do a little research from yourself using the least biased sources you can find. Research in this case would find that the majority of research shows no established link between hair dye and cancer. So, feel free to color with abandon. I know I will.”
I am loving all of these posts! Love to hear the women who refuse to dye their hair (because I am not there yet!).
Hi Rebecca,
Thank you for the informative link on henna. I might have misled all when saying that henna lasts approx.10 days,when I should have said that my grays start showing in 10 days or even less and then it is when I have to do a new round of henna ..I’m currently using Surya henna cream, which is easier for me to apply at home.
Hi Elizabeth, I’m not the same Rebecca that asked the cancer question, but just wanted to comment on the conclusion of the articles in the links. I completely agree that we should look into things for ourselves and make informed decisions, not just autoresponse all dyes are bad. But for me a big part of quitting my regular dye was escalating skin reactions. So I can’t go with the “color with abandon” idea; there are reasons other than cancer risk to reject a product for personal use. There’s not always an obvious connection between product and reaction either, so for sensitive types eliminating any potential problem may be the best course.
I also love hearing all these responses, and I wish I could see all these lovely women (and their hair!).
I’m 30 and stopped dying my hair about three years ago. I don’t have any gray hair and am not likely to any time soon (if family history is to be trusted). I don’t intend to dye my hair when I do begin to go gray. If it doesn’t look good, I might look into henna options, but since that’s probably 20 years away (at least), I’m not too concerned about it.
I’m only 24 with nary a grey hair in sight, but I’d like to think that when I do go grey, I’ll let it stay. My aunt used to dye her hair but has since stopped and it really looks wonderful. I feel like we unfairly equate grey hair with old age. My aunt is not what I’d consider old, she’s active, confident, and glows all around. People always stop and ask her if she dyed it that color and tell her how amazing it looks on her. It’s because of her I’m less concerned about going grey. I also love the grey/white streaks in Bonnie Raitt and Stacy London’s hair. Will my mind change when it actually happens? I don’t know. But I’d like to think I’d embrace it!
I have two role models for grey hair: Jamie Lee Curtis (who you have a photo of in the blog) She looks fabulous!!! I actually took several photos of her to my hair gal and said I want a cut like this…
The other is Dame Judi Dench. Her hair is what I would love mine to look like but sadly, I’ve been told that to get that ‘white-white’ color you have to dye it. Not sure I want to do that after reading your book!
I stopped dyeing my hair in July. I’ve been dyeing it for 15 years (I’m 41) and I was finally just…just done. Tired of the upkeep, the roots, etc. And I LOVE IT now. It’s salt-and-pepper, and I know some people think it makes you look older, but I actually think the dye color was aging me more than this does.
I get (positive) comments from men and women alike. As someone above said, it makes you stand out more. Frankly I’d love it even if no one else did. I love how the color changes depending on the light.
Here are some pictures!
http://www.finslippy.com/blog/hair-update-the-end.html
Oh my gosh! Your hair looks GORGEOUS, THIS IS AWESOME.
Wow Alice I think you just became my favorite poster girl. It looks gorgeous and so do you.
Thanks, Siobhan! I’m liking it even more as it gets longer.
I have been dying my hair, well, for a long time. So long, I don’t remember when I started. I just turned 42, and I look ten years younger. For the past 5 years, I have been considering letting the many many white hairs show, but I too felt that it would make me look older. Vanity had a hold on me.
But the fact is, I am older, and I’ve taken on being me in a big way this year. And, my wonderful new boyfriend pointed out when we first met (we’re talking recent, like mid-March) that I seem to care what goes into my body (and on my face), that it didn’t make sense that I was dying my hair. He’s very supportive, and he thinks that there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows who she is, and I agree!
So, my chin length bob now has about an inch of platinum coming through, and probably the next cut will need to be a short cut so I don’t have the line of demarcation.
I encourage women to embrace who they are, to see their beauty beyond a box of hair dye. The world needs us to be authentic and step into who we are…100%, and that includes embracing the things popular culture doesn’t approve of.
Thanks for all the inspiring shares.
I am 46 and my roots are graying and I haven’t dyed my hair yet. I encourage women to make a choice that feels right to them. If you want some inspiration for going gray visit http://goinggrayblog.com. Great, supportive community. Vibrant Facebook page and a great forthcoming eBook that features women who have made the choice to go gray and their stories. Worth a visit.
When I turned 60 I decided to color my hair from salt & paper to a spicy cognac, which turned out a horrible red like burgundy. I am sorry I had my hair colored and I am in the process of trying to remove the tint. The gray was hard to color and I am sick.
My hair is salt & pepper since my late 20s. When I saw my first gray hair “I pulled it out” and then more came I tried coloring my hair (but it left my scalp greasy) so I stopped. My original hair color is dark brown. I am growing it out now its to my shoulders (I hate it it’s so thick) its curly at the bottom. but I put gel in my hair to keep it flat (without gel my hair would be fluffy and white (and I don’t like it) Im recently divorced and I want to start my new life with a new look “so I thought I would color my hair dark brown. I want to stop putting gel in my hair. My mother has never had gray hair, my dads hair started turning in his early 50s. I have always kept my hair short. I am 46