10 Ways to Make a Bad Skin Day Better (Or, Acne Psychology 101)
Breakouts suck.
There’s no two ways about it. If you get pimples, you’ve probably at some point felt ugly, shy, embarrassed, dirty, or like you want to put a paper bag over your head and cry. So you read acne advice from “experts” and it makes you want to scream because it’s always the same, none of it works, the products are expensive, and they’re loaded with toxic chemicals. But this list isn’t about how to banish breakouts. (You can read that one here.) Instead, it’s about acne psychology, which is way, way worse than pimples—trust. Here are my 10 tips for getting over a bad skin day. I can’t wait to read yours, in the comments.
Know that the good ones don’t notice. And if they notice, they don’t care. If you’ve ever had a very nice boyfriend or girlfriend, you know this one is true: Literally no one cares about your pimples except you…and really mean people. One time, I was writing a profile of a famous musician who looks in person, and without makeup, like an airbrushed photograph. We were driving around in her car and she saw a friend of hers on the street so she pulled over and rolled down the window. Her friend, smiling, said, “Hi! Welcome back. It’s so nice to see you!” or something to that effect. So what did the famous lady say? Did she say “Thanks, hon, it’s great to see you too! Wanna get a slice of pizza and catch up?”? No. The famous person said “Your face is a mess! What have you been doing?!” Her friend’s face fell. And so did mine. You maybe think I’m making this up because no one would ever speak to another person like that, right? Especially not a rich and famous and genetically blessed person, right? Right! Except I didn’t make it up. Moral of the story: That person is really mean and the reason it sounds implausible is that most people are not like this. Most people, and you’ll just have to take my word for it, do not notice your pimples, and if they do notice them, they don’t care.
Wear red lipstick. You know when someone says “Look over there!” and then steals one of your fries? This is like that, but on your face. By drawing attention to your mouth with a bright color, you are drawing attention away from whatever it is you wish wasn’t there. Also, red lipstick is a mood booster and it makes you feel bold—which is a great way to counter the “I want to cancel my dinner plans and hide” feeling.
Do your hair. This morning I woke up with an unfortunately placed spot and even though it’s raining—I usually skip doing my ‘do on rainy days—I made sure to get my hair extra smooth. The logic? When you’re broken out, it’s hard to feel pulled together even though, remember: you still probably LOOK pulled together because no one can tell by looking at you that inside you feel like a teenager. But when your hair is done nicely, you all of a sudden don’t care about the constellation on your chin. This is a time-tested coping strategy. Work it.
Smile at strangers. A friend once said that when her skin is spotty, she finds herself staring at her feet in public because doing so makes her feel invisible. It’s such a sad sentiment and I’ve totally been there: The psychological toll of breakouts is literally 95% of it, and it’s awful. To counter this feeling, try doing the opposite and then some: Hold your head up and smile. Seriously. Don’t be the crazy person on the train about it, but a gentle smile is disarming, pretty, and it makes you feel better, too.
Don’t wear a scarf. I used to do this a lot: Pashmina doublewrapped around my neck, even in the summer. Except here’s the thing: Scarfs may make you feel protected because you’re essentially swaddling yourself, but they do not hide what is on your face. And in fact, by wrapping the area around your face, you are more likely drawing attention to it as opposed to away from it. Also, maybe it’s dirty and giving you pimples.
Point it out to a friend. Don’t do this with the mean chick I told you about, but pointing out your zits actually erases the terror that the pimple-afflicted feel which is: DO THEY SEE IT? ARE THEY STARING AT IT? Again, no, they’re not. But by pointing it out, you’re taking out the paranoid guesswork, and probably your friend will say something nice like “Aww, I hadn’t noticed,” or “I’ve been trying this green tea clay and I feel like it might work—do you want some?” or simply “You look so pretty, don’t be silly.”
Cover the damn thing. People say pimples heal faster when you leave them alone and don’t wear makeup, and people say that covering zits only makes them look worse, and that all may very well be true, but if a little makeup, even terribly applied (but with a clean brush), will make you feel better mentally, then do it. Just be sure you aren’t compounding the problem with something irritating.
Pronounce vulnerable with a W. OK this one is weird but hear me out: Breakouts make us feel vulnerable. To counter this, try this thing that my yoga teacher Matt said once in class: When you’re vulnerable—awful feeling, am I right? But such a rich one, too!—your feelings are the most serious, enormous, important things in the whole wide world. Take away their power by pronouncing that word, out loud, with a W. Seriously. Next time you look in the mirror and feel bashful, say it. I promise it works.
Visualize it shrinking. Another weird one. I can’t promise this will make your swelling subside, but it sure feels good: Before bed or in the bathroom at work, close your eyes and literally imagine the zit disappearing. You’ll feel like you’re doing something healing for yourself, and that’s a good feeling to have, zits or not.
Touch your face. Just kidding, but hold on: how-to-get-rid-of-breakout stories are always telling you not to touch your face and not to pick and not to do this, that and the third. Here’s the truth: If you have a zit on your face, you’re going to do anything you think will work to make it go away. For some of you that means picking, and it sometimes means touching. Yes, it might make it worse, and yes you might scar, but it also might make you feel better, because it seems somehow more proactive than doing nothing. So go ahead and touch your face (just be sure to put some kind of natural antibacterial on it before bed, please).
Now it’s your turn. Do you have bad skin days? Have you tried any of these things? What are your tips?
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Nice list! I’m still in high school, but luckily, I’ve been pretty blessed with good skin genes (thanks mom!). But for some weird reason, my spots don’t get worse when II wear makeup! It actually seems to get better – weird.. Maybe I’m imaging things, but oh well.
Love your website (I always seem to like the photos you have on your blog posts)! I’m slowly switching up my products to natural ones – exciting! (:
i love this list! especially the last item of not touching your face. I suffer from hyperpigmentation whenever I start going to town on my pimples. It just makes it worse because when the pimples are gone, I’m left with a dark brown spot that sticks around for what seems like FOREVER. Thanks for the reminder.
I’ll have to try some of these! Recently I went off the pill and my skin has gone haywire! Which is actually the reason I went on it in the first place. My skin just feels like a mask I’m dying to take off – like it isn’t even mine anymore.
It’s true about hair! I always make sure my hair looks nice so it takes some focus off my face, makes me feel more in control of my appearance and also put together. I do cover it up with make-up (a greener kind I switched to recently because of your book!), but red lipstick always seems (to me) like it’s drawing attention to my acne – like all the red on my face stands out that much more.
Sigh. Someday the skin gods will smile upon me! In the meantime, I’ll keep my head up!
If I’m eating well I have fewer skin problems, but my shifting hormones will inevitably bring on some bad skin days. I’ll wear my hair in a way that generally looks good and helps cover the offending pimple (if it’s on my forehead or outer cheeks). Or an adorable hat covers a forehead breakout nicely (can’t do that at work though). And I cover the heck out of it with mineral makeup. This actually works really well, and if the pimple isn’t too gigantic the minerals may completely obscure it. At least it will tone down the redness and make it seem less like a blinking sign on my face. My Alima minerals do seem to actually help heal too. And if I’m wearing clothes and shoes I love, it helps me feel better about not having a perfect complexion.
I’m with you Sarah. My skin is sort of calming down due to meds, but I’m easing off of those and trying to avoid the pill…again!
I have some odd skin condition (3 doctors, 3 different diagnoses, all wrong) that looks like a red rash of tiny zits when it flares up. Zit creams, even the good ones that worked for me on ZITS, made it worse. Worse, if it got too irritated, some would get infected and BECOME zits. It gets super dry, so makeup often just flakes off within hours.
My psychological treatment was to groom myself extra carefully, with extra attention on my eye makeup. It makes my eyes jump to my own eyes in the mirror, so I wouldn’t fixate on the rash. It caught other people’s eyes too, I think.
Oh, and it seems like the chemicals in all the “gentle” products people recommended to me were what was aggravating the rash….
Argh I haaaaaate pimples! And I totally feel you on this list!
I’ve never suffered from large amounts of acne, but I occasionally get one or 2 terrible ones on my chin that just don’t want to go away…
Red lipstick is definitely a good one, and I ALWAYS have to wear make-up over mine when I get them – there’s no way in hell I would go bare-faced with a red mountain on my face! :)
Ha! The last one cracked me up! I’m of Indian descent and when I pronounce vulnerable with a “W”, it just sounds normal and “fine” because a lot of Indian people switch up their “v” and “w’s.” Great list though! So excited to have found this site–I love it!
Where were you last week? (Oh, right–LA. :) But good advice for the next breakout!
@QuiteLight
Have you looked into perioral dermatitis? My friend had similar symptoms for three years! We researched it together and she stopped using steroid creams she had been using on and off (which were unfortunately masking the symptoms slightly but actually aggravating the problem!) She uses natural skincare now and some calendula cream as a treatment for the inflammation and it is totally gone!!
It’s worth a try! Some people have also said cider vinegar works pretty well too!
I love this! It is so true – 95% of the out break damage is emotional.
I have struggled with acne for like 10 years, BUT my skin is much better now thanks to… Head & Shoulders Dandruff Shampoo. I know, it sounds bizarre, but when I was going through a particularly rough time with acne my friend recommended I wash my face with the shampoo as it’d worked for here. Now I swear by it. Seriously. Try it!
@QuiteLight
I also suffered with Perioral Derm. for years, and totally agree with Rachel. When I was 14 I noticed tiny little pimply rash areas on my face and, not being aware, went to the dermatologist and was perscribed steroid creams(terrible stuff that damages your skin in the long run). Fortunately, two years ago I was taken off the steroid and put on another acne med. and as of a year and a half ago, I’m completely med, free. Honestly, going completely natural with cosmetics and ridding yourself entirely of sulfates, petroleum products and probably fluorides should help to knock out the problem. Since I didn’t go straight form steroids to nothing, I didn’t have any real outbreak after stopping the use of topical meds, but if you have been using steroids, or possibly harsh acne treatments(?), it very well could get worse at first. I’ve heard of people using apple cider vinegar, violet extract(which I used for about a month to sooth any possible inflammation) and tea tree. Although, if Perioral Dermatitis is what you have the best thing I could think to do, other than going natural with your products, is to just let your skin breathe while getting off of the medications and to not use any moisturizers, makeup, soap, etc. until the problem is cleared. Certainly, you can use the acv, extracts, calendula, or whatever you find best for your skin while trying to clear the problem. I’ll be 19 in a few weeks and have been completely Perioral Derm. free for over a year now! Granted, my skin’s still sensitive, but just keeping away from nasty chemicals seems to keep my skin happy.
I hope this was of some help to you. And if Perioral Dermatitis is not what you’re suffering with, I hope you are able to find out what really is the matter. Best of luck!
*What a great post! I totally agree with the smiling:)
Tea tree oil is amazing.
Thank you so much for this list. I really enjoyed reading it and it made me feel like I am not alone in the struggle for better skin. This made my day!
WIsh I had #1 to read over and over again when I was 15 and dying of embarrassment because of my skin troubles. Now it’s 20 years later and I still suffer from break outs. Having tried every product out there and visiting dermatologists regularly with minimal success, FINALLY I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. And after getting on a regimen of medications to stabilize my hormones, for the first time since puberty I now enjoy blemish-free skin. My point being, sometimes a pimple might be more than a pimple. I’d like to spare you all the years of suffering I went through. So, women out there who have chronic break outs, especially along the jaw line, do some research and ask your doctor about PCOS!!
im 16 and i’ve suffered from acne for about a year now. At first it was really depressing but now i’m just dealing with it and acne effects no one but yourself so its all about how you deal with it. if you keep thinking about you ‘ll just get more depressed. My mom said she had terrible acne at 16 and by 18 it started to calm down. That was great news because I think the greatest fear of it all is that it won’t go away but hellooo, IT WILL. Just needs time and the more you think about the slower the time flies. I asked my mom if it ever effected her mentally. All she said was i was only focused on studying at that time ;) I guess the media makes you feel worse about your insecurities these days. i swear I will never buy a product from another company who’s message is \clear skin is everything and without it you don’t have a life\ and make you feel like shit. as for that musician, I guess acne makes you a better, modest and thoughtful person ;) AND IT WILL GO AWAY
Hey people, I’m 10. Yet, I just got these weird pimples right beside a 4 monthold scar I got from a dog bite. Two pimples, one huge one close, REALLY close to my lip, and the other one just centimeters away, but smaller. My brother has a history of skin diseases, staff to herpes, but I don’t think he’s ever had acne or pimples. (he’s 8 years older than me)
Im 14 and my skin is about average when it comes to pimples. A few months ago i tried proactiv and it seemed to work but it would rip off a layer of skin to remove the acne. So now im using clean and clear, and its working but after about a week i started noticing dry skin so i then tried to put Jergens lotion on it and it went away , but now i have bad breakouts every so often and some days my skin looks great :/